Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex

by Michael Todd

We live in a world that has more and more relationships and less and less love, more and more sex and less and less intimacy. When I think

The truth is, having a goal without aim is senseless, but having a goal without God is pointless.

My point is, many of us are tapping in our own destinations for relationships, but they are not necessarily the goals that we should really be pursuing. We should follow a plan (directions) that will get us to the goal (destination) that we actually want to reach.

Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations. (Jeremiah 1:5)

“We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:10). You’re a masterpiece! He’s got good things for you to do, planned before you were born!

The more we seek Him, the more we’ll find out what He wants for us and the more we’ll desire to pursue it. God will help us find the right target for our relational arrows. And it will be better than we could find anywhere else.

Godly relationships are about sacrificing for others, showing kindness, having integrity, forgiving one another,

When we’re isolated, we’re at more risk of listening to lies about who we are and coming to believe them as truth.

We all need relationship with people who can remind us of the truth and dispel the falsehood, who can show us some of the love our hearts need, who can help us along our way. God knows this. And that’s why God wants relationship for us.

Is it hard for you to believe that a major part of God’s plan for your life involves relationship? He wants you to have healthy and successful relationships—yes, you, the one who is content working from home and taking online courses, does all your shopping on Amazon, and doesn’t like going to church because everyone always wants to hug you and the preacher enjoys making you turn to your neighbor to say something random. God created you to be in relationship with others, even if you’re introverted...

However much you know about your purpose (I’m about to help you with that) and whatever it might be, remember that Adam started working in his purpose before he ever got a person. What I’m saying to you is that while you’re looking for somebody to date, someone to marry, or a new friend in the town you just moved to, you can be working on your relationship with God and working on doing what He’s called you to do.

Now, sometimes the process of learning and growing and moving toward our purposes isn’t easy. Maybe you hate your job, but God is saying,

“I know you only make ten dollars an hour, but there’s something about this job I’m using to reveal who I’ve called you to be.” You’ve got to be patient and open.

So, don’t treat your singleness like it’s a prison sentence you’re serving.”

All of that can make you start to feel like maybe somehow, in your single state, you are less than. Being single can start to feel shameful. Your life seems incomplete or even like a failure.

Worse, this kind of thinking can cloud your judgment until you find yourself rushing into relationships that don’t suit you, settling on someone—anyone—just to satisfy others and calm your fears or address your libido. But these types of hasty decisions have serious consequences. Our high divorce rate may have less to do with bad marriages and more to do with bad singleness.

I know the world makes it seem like if you’re single, you should stay ready to mingle, but—like Diamond found out—it’s okay to be single and under construction. Singleness is a time for building a basis that will help your future relationships endure.

If I can echo the writer of Ecclesiastes, there is a time to be single and a time to date. Our time of singleness isn’t meant to be a punishment or purgatory.

You aren’t single because there’s something wrong with you. Maybe you’re single because God wants you to be. He’s madly in love with you; maybe He wants you all to Himself for a while. Being single doesn’t make you insufficient or insignificant; it just means you have more time to develop and get to know yourself. I challenge you to use this time wisely. Singleness isn’t an excuse to take a back seat on life but an opportunity to wholeheartedly pursue your own purpose.

God wants you to be self-aware in your singleness. This means recognizing your own faults and shortcomings so that you can allow Him to work on those areas and pray that your future spouse is doing the same, wherever that person is.

Remember that in the beginning God did not make Adam and Eve’s marriage. He made a single man first. It was only after Adam was working in the garden and enjoying contentment and fulfillment in God that He introduced marriage and relationship. Now, the Bible doesn’t say how long Adam was single before God gave him Eve. I think this was on purpose, because if God had given us a timetable for our singleness, we’d all be more concerned with the countdown than the process. Everyone’s season of singleness may not be the same amount of time, but it has the same importance. Wear the s-word proudly. Maximize your singleness. Make the most of it. And then keep working on you for the rest of your life.