The rush of new chemicals in my body unlocked more feelings, and I slipped into despair. I had never been depressed without also having testosterone to act as a chemical defense mechanism. It was wearying. And then, about three months in, the balance of hormones switched. It was worse than wearying. The familiar endocrine system that for my entire life had regulated my emotions had been dismantled, and it had not yet been replaced by anything coherent.
