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What I want to know is, when did busy become better? When did a jam-packed diary become a measure of success? And does that mean I’m failing because, since losing everything, I’m currently not that rushed off my feet,
That time it beat me up pretty badly, leaving me feeling bruised and battered for weeks. I didn’t tell anyone, least of all Ethan. It was hard to describe my attacker when I didn’t know what it was. Worse, I felt ashamed I couldn’t fight it off. I blamed myself for being weak and pathetic. It was all my fault. Some people might name this bully Anxiety or Depression. Others label it a Panic Attack. While many describe it as the famous Black Dog that you can’t chase away. But I simply call it The Fear. A nameless terror that scares the living daylights out of me. Because it’s not like feeling a
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Life moves on. It has to. And yet . . . And yet how can the world keep on turning, business as usual, without them in it? As time moves on, the further away you become from the last moment you saw them. They retreat into your past as you travel into the future. The distance between you growing as their voice fades and the memories blur.
Someone needs to do the antidote. Someone needs to tell it how it really is when shit happens and life doesn’t work out how you expected. When your life doesn’t look anything like any of that.
the people who matter will see you, no matter what.’
if there’s one gift you can give yourself in life, it’s the freedom and courage to say “I don’t know”. Because I’ll let you into a secret – you don’t have to know. You don’t have to know how you feel, or what you want, or if you’re happy or if you’re sad. Life is full of choices and decisions, and there is so much pressure on us to make all the right ones. But what if we don’t? What if we have doubts and misgivings? What if we make mistakes and contradict ourselves?’ She looks at me, her eyes shining. ‘What if we try our best and fail anyway?’
How will my story end? How will my life play out? Before, I thought I knew. I had it all mapped out and then – boom. It’s a scary thing, stepping into the void. It can overwhelm you; fill you with panic and fear.
For all of us, it seems, life isn’t always easy, and the lesson I’ve learned is that you’re not fucking up if life hasn’t worked out how you expected. Because real life is messy and complicated. Shit happens. One size doesn’t fit all. Remove the filters and the hashtags and the motivational messages and we’re all just as scared and confused as the next person.
