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by
Jasmin Kaur
Read between
March 5 - March 6, 2021
some stories bury themselves so deep within the flower bed of the mind that the earth trembles. throbs. when they are dug out.
The word no was an art form foreign to me.
instead it’s an obituary for the girl i used to be the girl who belonged to everyone but herself the girl who swallowed her heart and bit her tongue the girl who would have never dared to run.
i was a sex worker for thirteen years and a sex slave before that for five you had better know the difference if you’re going to talk to me, child
Honor,” Nandini states, and the table erupts in a low murmur of agreement. “This patriarchal idea that a girl’s honor—a woman’s honor—depends on her virginity . . . and who she gives it to. And what happens to girls when all their lives, they’re made to believe that their worth depends on this thing between their legs? When they’re made to believe that if they are raped, their dignity is forever stolen as well? When their reputations become the most important garment they wear?”
“What happens is . . . abusive men revel in the power of shame. They revel in the fact that shame can keep women in line, just like violence can. The men in suits—the ones who want to keep their hands clean—use shame as their weapon of choice.” I shiver at the word shame: the reason why a mother could turn her back on her own daughter.
to be an effective ally to survivors of sexual assault, you need to be prepared to listen more than you speak.
to push your own ideas of healing or justice onto a survivor may be to traumatize them again. remember that they have been through a storm that has likely felt uncontrollable, outside of their power to contain. remember that the abuse may have left them feeling as if the power of choice was stolen from them in all aspects of life. power is reclaimed every time they are reminded that they have autonomy, that their loved ones and acquaintances will not be making every decision for them. how can you play a role in returning the ability to choose?
