The House of the Spirits

by Isabel Allende

She believed that by giving problems a name they tended to manifest themselves, and then it was impossible to ignore them; whereas if they remained in the limbo of unspoken words, they could disappear by themselves, with the passage of time.

In my grandfather’s home, where I grew up, we never talked about feelings: it was considered bad taste and sentimental. Sorrow and pain were usually dismissed or silenced. One was supposed to deal with one’s own emotional stuff with little external help except maybe the priest in confession. I had never heard of psychologists; therapy was not an option. My grandmother spent much of her life in silence. She would go into one of her mute periods and remain there for as long as she needed; that was therapy for her. I never heard my grandfather complain about something or share any negative feelings. That became a trait of my character as well. I find that silence and time usually softens sorrows, heals sadness, and disarms grudges.