Before and After (Before and After, #1)

by Andrew Shanahan

Karl said I was a fajita, in my delirium I shout that he is wrong, I am a quesadilla! Or maybe a chimichanga! “You don’t bake a fajita Karl!” I cry.

I feel sick that I dislocated someone’s jaw. She was attacking me, but it all seems so brutal. I’ve never hit anyone before. She works at Greggs as well, how could anyone inflict pain on someone like that? They created a sausage roll for vegans.

“You probably don’t recognise me because I’ve been working out, thanks for noticing.”

I’m going to America. I’ve researched it thoroughly and the only dangers are guns and ignorance.”

So true queen

The global obesity crisis is solved and all it took was the total destruction of civilisation.

I still haven't got over the novelty that I can now hold the skin of my stomach back and wash my penis. Truly, this is a day of celebration.

I am brawn. I am buff. I am sex. Gaze ye on my naked form world and witness the fitness. The world is silent, but I can tell that it’s checking me out. I

“Are there the same calories in it when it’s a wafer and when it’s the body of Christ?”

“Your dog has eaten Jesus!