In the darkest moments, it’s hard not to blame past lovers. You want to lay blame. You want to feel innocent. I probably was infected one of the first times I had sex—maybe that first guy, even. There is no reason that explains AIDS, Shawn told me, You’re not being punished. But it’s a hard thing to let go—you hear all the shit people say, like Jerry Falwell gloating that homosexuals will be annihilated and there will be a celebration in heaven. I’ve heard, more times than once: AIDS is a cure for fags.
