The Gatekeeper

by Kate Fall

On the one hand, some view it as a scandalously closed shop in need of radical overall,

Of course, there is sometimes a definite cultural clash, especially of humour. David brings with him to No. 10 his boyish sense of humour, which many of the officials struggle with. A particularly hapless delegation from the foreign affairs team interrupt a difficult speechwriting session. ‘I’m busy with the speech,’ David says, less than pleased. ‘Sorry, PM. It’s just the Chinese are really pushing us to know …’ ‘Know what?’ he replies, short and not in the mood. ‘Well … whether it’s to be Golden Era or Golden Age for the state visit.’ ‘I don’t care … anything golden will do … as long as it’s not a golden shower!’ The delegation shuffle to the door. ‘Thank you, Prime Minister.’

George, William Hague, Chief Whip Patrick McLoughlin, as well as David’s parliamentary private secretary, Jeremy Heywood. And there’s Andy Coulson and the press team, as well as the foreign team. I open the agenda and look over the page before I nervously press print. I am dyslexic, but there must be absolutely no spelling mistakes.

The G8 started life in 1975, when France issued an invitation to five other highly industrialised countries – Germany, Britain, Italy, Japan and the US – to a summit to discuss global issues. A year later, they met again with Canada. Then Russia joined in 1997, making it the Group of Eight. At its best, the G8 follows its original design – of a fireside chat about the critical issues of the day between the most powerful people in the world. At its worst, the leaders meet and just read

Obama is in town for the G20. His staff agree to a meeting with David at the US Ambassador’s residence in Regent’s Park, while Samantha is to have tea with Michelle. Just as I am leaving work, we hear that there is to be an exchange of presents, including for the children. All hell breaks out. The shops are already shut and the meeting is the very next morning. We have literally no time to buy a present, even if we had any ideas about what to buy. Then Samantha has the idea of a bracelet for Michelle, and we agree on a book for the children – a trilogy by Susan Cooper that Samantha and I both loved when we were young. I volunteer to pick it up first thing on my way in to work. We have exactly half an hour from opening time to gather the presents before we get into the convoy to the residence. I am waiting outside the bookshop impatiently and when the doors open I rush in and head straight to the children’s section. My phone rings – it’s George. I explain I can’t talk because I am on mission critical to buy the Obama children a book. ‘What book?’ he asks. I reply, ‘The Dark is Rising.’ There is a silence. ‘The what?’ He does not sound happy. ‘The Dark Is Rising,’ I say again. ‘It is a wonderful Arthurian trilogy … Samantha and I really loved these books as children.’ ‘It doesn’t matter how much you and Sam loved the books or what they are about,’ he says. ‘What matters is, it’s called—’ he says each word, slowly, ‘The Dark … Is … Rising. Think of the Daily Mail! You can’t g...

We all laugh to hear that one weekend at Chequers, one of the Gove children, followed by a confused Cameron child, runs into breakfast saying, isn’t it true this house will be ours when Dad’s prime minister? — 21 — SCOTLAND Early on in opposition, I follow David, who is walking down Princes Street in Edinburgh, live on TV.

The speech is delayed as we pour over drafts and ‘roll the pitch’ – which means preparing the ground in advance by discussing the speech with the senior Cabinet, senior parliamentarians, and key allies. It is amazing the whole thing doesn’t

We need a whips operation in place quickly, to steady the ship. And we also need a candidate to put up against Carswell. Boris? A quick text gives us a firm reply: fuck off.

Britain looks like a safe bet for a job – and if you can’t get one, there is a generous benefits system to plug into, which, for the most part, is not based on the number of years worked. Unlike in the rest of Europe, our benefits system is non-contributory.

tucked away in the corner of a vast empty football stadium in Milton