So I’m on my coworker’s lawn with a full diaper, staring down a garden gnome that’s covered in the ravioli I ate for lunch, when I hatch an ingenious plan: I’ll go home to my parents’ place for, like, forty-five minutes, shower and change my clothes, maybe sneak in a quick nap, then be back at the party before Jessica even notices. My plan wound up working perfectly. EXCEPT that instead of showering and changing my clothes and going back to the party, I took my soiled pants off, put them in my parents’ washing machine, FORGOT TO PRESS START, then fell asleep on their couch for eight hours.
