A Very Punchable Face

by Colin Jost

“Where you grew up becomes a big part of who you are for the rest of your life. You can’t run away from that. Well, sometimes the running away from it is what makes you who you are.” —HELEN MIRREN

My friend Michael Bodnar was the fire. I yelled “Go!” and he started running and waving his arms in the air, to simulate what a fire might look like while it was running. I chased him with my “hose” (penis) (kidding) for about ten seconds, before Michael Bodnar made the brilliant strategic decision to duck under a nearby metal table.