The Last Thing He Needs

by J.H. Knight

“You say that, but you have no idea how many people I see in your situation that don’t do it. You’ve chosen this, Tom. You choose it every day you don’t turn your back and walk out that door. There are seven people that might just make it from here because of you.”

Tommy took a step back and bumped into Bobby. “Jesus, copper, you’re a sneaky little bastard, you know that?” Bobby didn’t pull back when Tommy brushed against him. Instead he laughed softly in Tommy’s ear and reached around to show his phone in his hand. “Thought you might want a couple pictures.”

She shook her head and sniffled. “Nothing,” she whispered, glancing at Bobby asleep on the couch and then back at Tommy. “It was just so… nice. I can’t explain it, Tommy. It just felt so good to go out with him and dance and have fun and not…. He was so great. When we were dancing and his hand was on my waist, I told him I didn’t like to be touched there and he just moved his hand up, didn’t ask why or say anything, just made sure I was comfortable, ya know? The whole night he just made sure I was happy and that I felt good and that I was having fun and…. I didn’t know guys could be like that.”

Bobby helped tamp down the spreading fire by adding, “There’s this guy I’ve been hanging out with a lot lately, but I wasn’t sure if he’s gay.” Working his tight throat around a hard swallow, Tommy told him, “Maybe he’s been wondering the same thing about you.”

“When you’re ready to un-nail yourself from that cross you carry around, let me know.”

“Nah, that’s all right, Tommy. I can do it on my own. I don’t need any help from anyone.” Her words washed over him like ice water.

“I’m a mess, my family is a mess, my life is a mess, and if I weren’t a selfish bastard, I’d tell you to run. I’d tell you to forget we ever knew each other, but Jesus, I don’t wanna do that. I’m not easy, and I’m a pain in the ass, but if you’re willing to stick around, I’m willing to try, and I’m willing to trust you, and I’m willing to—”

“You haven’t had your fill of us yet?” “Not even close.” Bobby smiled before he glanced up at the house and then laughed. Tommy turned and saw all the kids upstairs, their faces pressed to the windows. Bobby waved at them,

She added the last in a quiet breath before saying more firmly, “He’s in love with you.”

Then he leaned in close and looked deep into Bobby’s eyes. His voice broke on a tremor as he spoke, and he didn’t care how weak or how vulnerable, how stupid it made him sound. He took Bobby’s face in his hands and said, “I love you, you stupid son of bitch.”

“Shit,” Bobby said, sounding stoned and tired. “I think I’m hallucinating.” His eyes fell shut, and Tommy laughed.

“The things that make your heart sing,” she said quietly, “are the things that should be shared.”

Bobby went on. “I know you love me, but…. I want a partner, and I need to know if you do too.”

Tommy understood in one fraction of a heartbeat every love song he’d ever heard, every dream he was afraid to have, every memory of anything good that had ever happened to him. It was all wrapped up in Bobby. He was the music, he was the dream, he was the love, and… he was the hope. Tommy O’Shea finally understood.