The Upside of Falling

by Alex Light

It was like, if love couldn’t exist in reality, at least it was alive in fiction.

I mean, there’s a reason all books end right after the couple gets together. No one wants to keep reading long enough to see the happily ever after turn into an unhappily ever after. Right?

Could love really make the world stop? Why did it make every female character feel alive? Wasn’t she alive before she met him?

I had to give it to the guy. I think he may be the one person who could blur the lines between reality and fiction. With that head of hair that was a little more gold than brown, effortless smile, and altogether unwavering perfection, it was easy to lose yourself in his bright blue eyes. He could have walked out of the pages of a book and materialized in front of me. It was no wonder half the student body was in love with him.

“Kiss me back,” he whispered when his face was an inch from mine. And then it felt like my heart was tumbling down, down, down. All the way until it hit the center of the earth. And, wow, maybe those books were kind of onto something about this whole kissing-making-time-stop thing because with Brett’s lips on mine, it kind of felt that way.

“Violence is not my weapon of choice, dear Becca. Cupcakes are.” I raised an eyebrow. “Sometimes students stop by Hart’s Cupcakes after class. I’ll admit, it’s another reason I don’t enjoy working there, but now it’ll prove useful. So send me some names and I’ll spit in their frosting.” “You’re disgusting.” Cassie blew me a kiss, yelled, “Have fun with your boyfriend!”

“I’m guessing you want to be the prince?” “Only if you’re the princess.”

I sat there for a while thinking about how I had lucked out on choosing a pretty great fake girlfriend.

“Reading helps me. It’s like I’m in another world when I read. And all the problems in my life don’t exist anymore. It helps.”

I pulled out the book. Brett sighed, undid his seat belt, and reclined his chair back. He wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes. He looked so different than he had earlier. Smaller. Sadder. “Are you okay?” I whispered, wanting to reach out and hold him. “Read to me” was all he said.

He kind of looked like he was sleeping. I kept pausing after each paragraph, sneaking a peek at him. After I finished the first chapter, our eyes met. He said, “Keep going.” So I kept reading. That was the first time I missed curfew.

This girl had literally run across town to my house. She looked like she needed an ambulance, yet the only thing she seemed to be worrying about was me. I hugged her, wrapped her into my chest until my chin was resting on the top of her head. I felt it then, the same feeling as last night, when she was reading to me. That stillness. A break in the storm. “Thank you,” I said.

She was going all Nancy Drew. I was kind of into it.

People leave, Brett. It’s not our fault for not giving them a reason to stay. It’s their fault for not finding one.

“You’re the best girlfriend I never had, Becca Hart.”

I ate my way through the entire ice cream carton within the first half hour. I choked on it a few times from laughing so hard. The movie wasn’t funny. It was Brett. He was jumping and shrieking at every little thing. He even covered his face with a pillow at one point.

“I can’t believe I have a crush on a girl with such horrible ice cream taste.”

“Oh, Becca. I love it when you get all geeky.”

“Why pay attention when I’m dating the smartest girl in class? You’re like my own personal textbook.”

As soon as I thought he had reached his peak level of attractiveness, he put on a suit and blew my freaking mind.

Brett’s eyes shifted to me, then down to my toes. “I like your dress,” he said. His fingers reached out, touching my ironed curls. “And I like your hair when it’s like this.” Then he grabbed my hand, pulling me against his chest. “And I like us like this. Without the pretending.”

We ended up at Finch’s, the only bookstore in town. Brett paused in front of the door and spread his arms out like ta-da!, with this larger-than-life smile on his face.

We stood there for a second before Brett said, “You’re dying to go inside and run through the aisles. Aren’t you?” “Very much. Yes.” He held open the door and gave me a little nudge. “Go crazy.”

“Thirty-five dollars and twenty-one cents,” Mr. Finch said. I started reaching for my wallet when Brett stopped me. “I got this,” he said. “My treat. Remember?”

Life didn’t have to fit into a four-sided box that was neat and tidy. It was okay if the box had three sides or the fourth one was hanging on with duct tape. It was okay if the corners were dented and if there was a big red FRAGILE sticker on top.

“Becca?” My name felt so familiar on his lips. I nodded, wiping the hair off his forehead. “I think I’m in love with you,” he whispered, closing his eyes.

“Look, an image is there in front of you. Right? You stare at it but then you can look away and it’s gone,” she said. “Words aren’t like that. They build an entire world around you. It’s not something you look at, it’s something you’re inside. That makes it scarier.”

“It feels like the world is going to explode when I kiss you,” I whispered. “Then let it explode,” she said. I tugged her face back to mine and did just that.

Now I was reading my book, whisked away into another world. I was halfway through a page when I looked up to find Brett jogging toward me. The sun was making his hair shine that familiar golden hue.

“Shouldn’t you be ripping your shirt off and running laps?” I called.

“Shouldn’t you keep practicing?” “I’ve done enough drills for the day.” He plucked the book from my hands, inspected the cover. “I recognize this one. Haven’t you read this, like, a hundred times?” “Twenty, actually,” I said, snatching it back. “Today marks the twenty-first time.”

“Because you go somewhere else when you read. I want to go there with you.”

We sat there and I read aloud, my back to Brett’s chest. He pulled me a little closer, held me a little tighter. And this time, we escaped together.