Outer Order, Inner Calm: Declutter and Organize to Make More Room for Happiness

by Gretchen Rubin

I experience true leisure because I don’t feel pressured to jump up and deal with a mess.

Over and over, people tell me this is a real problem: Disorder makes it impossible for them to relax and recharge. Even when they're lounging on the sofa, it doesn't feel like true rest.

I'm fascinated by "in-box zero" and am going to try to get there myself! I wouldn't want to sustain it every day, but I want to experiment by achieving it, even for just five minutes. I have friends who swear by it.

By doing so, we help restore our equanimity—and this isn’t a futile or selfish gesture, because that equanimity makes us more effective when we

Some people worry that it's self-centered to worry about outer order--that it's a superficial concern. But research shows, and everyday experience confirms, that when we're happier and calmer, we're more likely and capable of taking action in the world. If it is selfish to worry about outer order, we should be selfish, if only for selfless reasons

When we tailor our approach to suit our own particular challenges and habits, we’re far more likely to be able to fashion the order we desire.

The more I study happiness, good habits, human nature, the Four Tendencies, and so on, the more I'm convinced of this: when we do things in the way that's RIGHT FOR US, we're much more able to make and sustain change. For instance, I'm a morning person, and finally it dawned on me that I'd do a better job of putting my clothes away if I did that task first thing in the morning rather than last thing at night. Now I'm so much more consistent about keeping my clothes put away.

Clearing clutter is a big challenge. Why? One reason is that the process requires us to make taxing choices about what to keep, what to discard, and why.

For this book, given the subject, I wanted to use a structure that was light, playful, streamlined, and easy to read. I've always admired Michael Pollan's FOOD RULES, and I was inspired by the structure of that book.

more; it’s a matter of wanting what we have.

It's striking that when we get rid of things we don't use, need, or love, we have a feeling of increased abundance in our lives. I've noticed this myself, and I've heard others comment on it. I put a big pile of clothes into the donation pile, and suddenly I feel as if I have a lot more to wear. Objectively, of course, fewer items are hanging in the closet, but because the clothes are all things that I actually want (and realize that I own!), I feel as though I have more.

For a major clutter-clearing, you may want to recruit a companion to help you make decisions and deal with the grunt work of sorting, moving, packing, and tossing.

Even though this book is finished and out in the world, I keep thinking about outer order, and here's a point that I wish I'd included in the book. I often beg my friends to let me help them clear clutter, and just as deep-sea divers can experience the dangerous "rapture of the deep," I've seen people experience the "frenzy of the clear," when they become so intoxicated by the joy of relinquishment that they start tossing or giving away just about everything. I was helping a friend clear clutter, and I watched as he threw away an unopened package of padded mailer envelopes. When I asked why, he said, "Those things never work." I answered, "What are you talking about? Those things always work!" I fished out the package and took it home. (I mail things constantly, so this was useful to me.) The frenzy is helpful, because it makes it so easy to let things go, but too much frenzy could lead to mistakes and regret. We want to stay mindful as we create outer order.

Where does it belong?

I take enormous satisfaction in knowing exactly where a certain item belongs. I detest searching for misplaced objects, and also I like the smug satisfaction of knowing exactly where to find anything. The other day, my husband asked, "Where's the heating pad?" and I didn't have to think for a moment. For me, this is FUN. Make it fun to get the job done!

If you don’t own it, you don’t have to organize it. BEWARE OF “STORING” THINGS.

I really enoyed including illustrations in this book--a first for me. In "Happier at Home," I included photos I took myself, and "Profane Waste" featured the photography of artist Dana Hoey, but I'd never worked with an illustrator before. The work of Jon McNaught added a layer of visual interest and engagement to the book.

FIX YOUR “BROKEN WINDOWS.”

I first wrote about this idea in my book "The Happiness Project." I think it's really helpful to identify our broken windows -- they're different for each of us, and by getting this particular aspect of clutter under control, we give ourselves a disproportionate boost. Mine? Clothes out of place -- in a heap on the bedroom floor (me), flung over a chair near the kitchen (my daughter), shoes scattered (my husband).

Brass shines with constant usage, a beautiful dress needs wearing; leave a house empty, it rots. OVID

How I love to add my favorite quotations to a book! In the editing process, I usually delete at least half of the quotations I've put in--there are just too many. Fortunately, with my "Moment of Happiness" free daily email, I have a way to share my favorite quotations in a different way. I have thousands that I've collected and want to share.

WHAT WE ASSUME WILL BE TEMPORARY OFTEN BECOMES PERMANENT; WHAT WE ASSUME IS PERMANENT OFTEN PROVES TEMPORARY.

When I was writing "Better Than Before," my book about how to make and break habits, I thought about this phenomenon often. It's so strange, in life, what ends up sticking -- or not.

Or perhaps you want to present a fantasy self to others.

I myself only recently gave away of leather pants. Leather pants! What was I thinking?

But there are some people who are truly clutter-blind—who don’t seem to register clutter ever.

People who listen to the "Happier with Gretchen Rubin" podcast know that my sister and co-host Elizabeth is clutter-blind. This issue comes up often in our discussions, because we're so different in our perspectives.

Make it a habit to look for the pull tag or the notch in the envelope. A little extra effort and attention make life easier in the long run.

Although this idea is so simple, I have to admit, it's one of my favorites. I had a really bad habit of ripping things open, which was both difficult to do and then made it hard to reseal a package properly. Now I make myself take a moment to examine the design, to see how something is intended to be opened. I've saved myself a lot of irritation. This is such an obvious solution but somehow it eluded me until very recently!

podcast while you fold laundry.

Many people have told me that they listen to the "Happier with Gretchen Rubin" podcast as a way to make creating outer order more enjoyable. Which makes me very happy, of course.

Elizabeth, who has given me so many hours of happiness by graciously allowing me to clear her clutter.

If you listen to the "Happier with Gretchen Rubin" podcast, you know how much I love to help Elizabeth clear her clutter. (She--lovingly--calls me her happiness bully.) She has a very satisfying kind of clutter, with which we can achieve dramatic results without much effort. For instance, she keeps empty shopping bags piled under her desk; once we put those in the recycling, the space looks much better in a flash.