This is a way for me to feel like I am connected to them, even though they may never know this. I used to feel like that was enough, and I used to hope that somehow, when I was thinking about them, when I was writing and conjuring them, that they would somehow feel it, that they would somehow be thinking of me and feel connected to me too without me doing any of the actual work of reaching out. And I think my hoping that that was connection enough made me feel lonelier.
