And as I would walk away, I would play out the conversation over and over in my head to figure out what had brought us to this point that I had not prepared for, and I would try to figure out what I should have said in the moment, coming up with a new list of things to say so I wouldn’t be caught off guard if this topic ever came up again. It felt like I had a problem with processing time—that on the spot, I couldn’t think fast enough, I didn’t have time to safely plan out what I wanted to say before I could say it, and I would panic and say nothing at all, or stumble to get any coherent words
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