Instead, what I can only seem to remember is the anxiety and worry I felt during those moments. The happiness comes much later—it is what comes now, years and years after, when I can convince myself that I can finally, safely feel happy about those moments because all those worries and anxieties did not seem to bear any fruit. The good thing that was Really Happening didn’t fall to pieces or get taken away from me or get crossed out by something I did or something bad happening the following day, or the following month, or in the following years. The memory is still standing. The good thing
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