Know My Name: A Memoir

by Chanel Miller

When I was little I wanted to grow up and become a mascot, so I’d have the freedom to dance without being seen.

They seemed angry that I’d made myself vulnerable, more than the fact that he’d acted on my vulnerability.

And boys are people, they have minds, live in a society with laws. Groping others was not a natural reflex, biologically built in. It was a cognitive action they were capable of controlling.

What if you’re assaulted and you didn’t already belong to a male? Was having a boyfriend the only way to have your autonomy respected?

You are allowed to be cautious but you don’t always have to be afraid.

It was not seven; it was one and one and one and one and one and one and one. Each an entire life, each with a name.

Masculinity is often defined by physicality, but that initial kneeling is as powerful as the leg sweep, the tackling. Masculinity is found in the vulnerability, the crying.

Good and bad things come from the universe holding hands. Wait for the good to come.

In court I could only speak through questions others asked me.

Healing became the sound of an old dog snoring.

This book does not have a happy ending. The happy part is there is no ending, because I’ll always find a way to keep going.

Fight because you know that in this life, you deserve safety, joy, and freedom. Fight because it is your life. Not anyone else’s.

I dust myself off, and go on.

My purpose will always be greater than my fear.

I hope that by speaking today, you absorbed a small amount of light, a small knowing that you can’t be silenced, a small satisfaction that justice was served, a small assurance that we are getting somewhere, and a big, big knowing that you are important, unquestionably, you are untouchable, you are beautiful, you are to be valued, respected, undeniably, every minute of every day, you are powerful and nobody can take that away from you.