During trial I had shut down to make it through. Now came the release, my body helpless against the anguish passing through in waves. Each time it would rise in me like the need to vomit, and I’d lock myself in and hyperventilate, my eyes stinging. I was scared of the way my body kept dictating these episodes. I’d grip the sink, turning on the faucet to drown out the sounds. Why are you sad, I kept thinking, you won. I did not want Lucas to hear me, to realize that I was still broken, not ready to let all of this go.
