More on this book
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Started reading
October 24, 2024
The net result is that girls own puberty. Not all of them, but many. They talk about body changes, emotional swings, friendships, and family dynamics; they use words that used to be R-rated (vagina! periods!) freely.
If this book were two sentences long, here would be the text in its entirety: Despite what they say (“I’m fine”; cue closing door) and despite social convention (if he doesn’t want to talk about it, leave well enough alone; “He’s fine”), not talking to your son about his evolving physical, emotional, and social self is the biggest parent trap of them all. Because if you don’t have the conversations, someone else will: a friend who’s got it all wrong, or a family member who doesn’t exactly share your ideology, or the Internet with its endless treasure trove of image-based content, presenting
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Ultimately, I have come to believe that in order to parent our boys best, we must get over the notion that silence is golden. We wouldn’t—we don’t—tolerate our girls shutting their doors and shutting us out, because she needs to know. Well, it’s time to start raising our boys more like we raise our girls. If there’s one thing you will realize while reading this book, I hope it’s that he needs to know, too. And that means we need to talk to them, even when our sons go quiet.
It is time for all of us to let go of our preconceived notions that our sons don’t want to talk.
HOW TO TALK TO BOYS
1. START TALKING!
2. LISTEN.
3. AVOID EYE CONTACT. At least in the beginning, find ways to have conversations that don’t require you to stare down your kid.
4. TURN OFF DEVICES.
5. GRAB TEACHABLE MOMENTS.
6. EXPLAIN WHY WITHOUT LECTURING.
7. BE PATIENT. In order to win at parenting through puberty, have many talks over many years, and take these conversations slowly.
When a conversation goes quiet—which it will—ride out the silence by practicing the art of letting your kid break it when he’s ready to speak.
8. POINT OUT THE BRIGHT SIDE, BUT DON’T OVERPROMISE.
9. FIND YOUR SURROGATE. There are going to be some things your kid just doesn’t want to talk about with you. That’s normal, so plan for it. Talk to your son about who else he can go to for advice on the important stuff.
10. AND FINALLY, TAKE DO-OVERS.
Now I’m going to say it again, because it bears repeating over and over: the start of puberty is marked by testicular growth, not muscle growth or mustache growth or foot growth.
Julia Sweeney appeared in a TED Talk.
