The Edge of Reason (The Edge Series, #3)

by J. Saman

Not many people understand what happens to your soul when your own mother hates you.

I sometimes wish you weren’t my best friend and in love with another woman.

“Well now you have an excuse for turning down all the men who fall to their knees for you.”

“None here. I’m just waiting for the day when you let me meet them.” He winks at me and I mentally jolt.

Margot doesn’t know this, and I’ll likely take it to my dying breath, but our friendship started on a bet.

Margot edges toward the door of the café, staring out the glass with an adorably menacing scowl. “This shit is wacked, yo.” “I didn’t know midwestern girls say wacked.” “I learned from all the meth-heads I used to party with.”

Margot. This Margot right here in my arms. My Margot. Her taste. Her smell. Her gentle hum of pleasure at the way my mouth took hers. It was sexy and erotic. Sweet and spicy. It was familiar, like coming home, and yet so intoxicatingly forbidden.

“Ah, Margot. As pretty as always. When will you wise up and marry my son?” I snort. “Probably when we’re both reincarnated into our next lives and we’re stuck in an apocalyptic-like situation, à la Terminator, and the fate of the world rests in our hands.” “It’s a shame, darlin’, but if you won’t marry him, Jamie over there is anxious to see you.” Drew visibly stiffens. “Why would Jamie care if Margot is here?”

Having a slight, worthless crush on your best friend is like being an alcoholic trapped in a distillery of your favorite brand of booze. It’s the ultimate kick in the teeth. I know it won’t go anywhere. I know she’d never even consider entertaining it. Margot sees me as her brother. Not as a man who could be her lover or boyfriend or whatever.

Because he still loves her. Not me. He admits freely that he doesn’t want me, that we’re only friends, to anyone and everyone who suggest we should be more. I’m not a rebound. I’m tired of being used by men who would rather have someone else but settle for me.

A best friend who made it clear she didn’t want me to kiss her last night when she all but screamed no in my face.

The one who doesn’t want me the way I’m growing by the second to want her.

And beautiful. So fucking beautiful I can’t make sense of anything else right now.

“Maybe I won’t be going home alone, so you putting me into a questionable Uber alone is moot,” I parry.

I made the point to give her the glass of wine. Margot wolfing down shots used to equal meaningless one-night stands with awful random men. That was her standard. How she operated. And it sent me into a fucking panic.

“No. This is definitely not about Aria.” I pivot my head to find her. “I’m not in love with her anymore.”

“No.” My chest caves in. “We have to work tomorrow. Together,” she adds like that makes all the difference, and my world shatters apart. She let me get her off, but she doesn’t want me. Not really. I’m still Drew to her. “So, goodnight.” She disconnects the call and all I can think is, holy shit. Did I just mess everything up?

Fuck. That’s just… I can’t. I can’t stand this. Because I love Margot. I know I do. There is no hiding it or pretending or lying to myself. I love her. And not just as my best friend. As a woman. As a woman I want to be with. A woman I can’t seem to get enough of or stop thinking about. As a woman I will fight for and destroy anyone who dares to try and hurt her.

“Except he’s mine, so no thanks.” Yep, those words were said aloud by Margot. I flip in her direction so fast I have whiplash. Did she just say that? That she’s mine? My heart skitters to a halt.

“You’re going to break my heart.” Jesus. Her vulnerability cracks me open wide. I give her the only honesty I have.

“I’d never break something so precious to me.” “I’m terrified of loving you. Of what that will do to me. To us.” “I might not give you the choice.”

I slipped out. No note. No text. Just gone. Then I called out of work like the coward I am. And I haven’t returned any of his numerous calls or texts. So yeah, I pretty much suck.

I stare straight at Halle. “You know, in all the time I’ve known you guys, no one has ever asked me that.”

“If you believe that, then I guess I didn’t make myself as clear to you last night as I thought.” My head whips over to find Drew standing there, an impenetrable glacial stare freezing me over. Well, shit.

I don’t want her like a best friend. Those days are done for me. I live and die and breathe for this girl. I realize now, looking at her, there has never been a time when I wasn’t in love with Margot. There was just a time when I convinced myself that I wasn’t.

“If you love her, tell her. Tell her every chance you get. It’s not meant to be held back.”

I was going to tell her I love her.