More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
All I could think about were Serel’s sweet eyes, and the sound that his sword had made in Esmaris’s chest—a crunch, a squelch, a reminder of how soft and breakable a human body really was. It didn’t matter whether it belonged to the most powerful man in Threll or a slave boy with a kind, gentle smile.
good quote
I went to the doorway, then stopped before I entered, turning to Max and regarding him in silence. Shadow doused the hard panes of his face, but his features were so sharp that they sliced through the dusk, meeting mine with equal determination and wary curiosity. We stood only inches apart, each allowing the other to peer into a rare, guarded honesty. The urge to thank him lingered at the tip of my tongue. Don’t thank him for doing what he should have done to begin with, a snide, colder part of me hissed. I don’t know why I believe you, he had said. But I knew. He believed me because he
...more
allies!
“Hello,” the woman said. Her fingers traced my cheek, following the edge of my patch of tan skin. A Thereni greeting sat at the tip of my stunned tongue, tangling with the word “hello,” but I was too shocked and disoriented to spit out either one. “I thought living in the middle of nowhere meant that I didn’t have to lock my doors. What did I ever do to make my house so welcoming?” Max’s voice, rough with sleep, approached from the hallway. “I really tried to be as unpleasant as possible.”
LMAOOO
“What is . . . wrong of her?” “What makes you think anything is wrong with her?” I gave him a look that silently reprimanded him for having the audacity to think I was stupid. “She’s harmless,” he said. “She just wanders around. She’s a little strange, but I suppose that makes sense, since she wasn’t always human.” Wasn’t always human? “What was she?” I asked, immediately fascinated. “A hummingbird.”
A BIRD?
“Is it amazing?” I murmured, the words slipping from my lips without my permission. “Oh, no. It’s horrible,” Max replied. “You’ll love it.”
love his sarcasm
As we moved through the sea of people, I smoothly slid my arm through his. I had done this for a purely practical purpose, but the startled look he gave me was just so delightful that I pushed a little closer just because I wanted to see how he’d react. It was possibly the first time I had seen an expression on his face that went beyond either deadpan grumpiness or cocky satisfaction. “What?” I smiled at him. “If I become lost, I will never be found again.” To my disappointment, that startled expression melted away as quickly as it had appeared. He merely narrowed his eyes and said, “Sometimes
...more
LMFAO she knows what shes doing
One man that we passed wore a long, emerald-green coat that nearly touched the ground, and a parrot the exact same shade of green—a parrot!—perched on his shoulder. At that, I whipped my head around to look at Max, my face splitting into a grin. “Did you see—” “It’s not the strangest thing you’ll witness in this city today.” A small, amused smile crinkled the corners of his eyes.
parrot!!
“Pick one,” he then said, to me. “What are these?” “It will be more fun if you don’t know.” “My fun or your fun?” Via laughed. “Smart question.” Max smirked, his eyes glittering. “Depends on which one you pick.”
funny
Max and I strode back down the street the way we came. We once again passed the man with the green coat and the parrot. This time, I couldn’t resist. I stopped short, turning around and backtracking to him. He turned a calm, bespectacled gaze to me, and I offered him my most charming grin. “I must ask,” I said, “did you get the coat to match bird, or the bird to match coat?” The man nodded seriously, as if I had asked him an extremely important question, and his voice reflected this grave nature as he bent down to whisper the answer in my ear. I felt both enlightened and satisfied as I
...more
I NEED TO KNOW.
smear of gold and blush descended the stairs—long sun-colored hair and a pink dress that trailed long behind its wearer. Disbelief stunned me, but there were no doubts who I was looking at. If any remained, the delicate crown atop that cascading hair put them to rest. “That is the queen?” I gasped. “Yes.” “She’s a child.” “That she is,” Max muttered. Queen Sesri could not have been older than thirteen, at most. Her round cheeks were completely still, enormous eyes unblinking, giving her the appearance of a porcelain doll. Her dress overwhelmed her tiny frame, swaddling her in layers upon
...more
THIRTEEN??!
“You were invited to the Palace to be honored after the end of the war. But you didn’t come.” “You were only six years old then, my queen. I thought it would likely be past your bedtime.” A collective gasp. Mine joined it.
CLOCK ITTTT
We had won, the Strategasi had said. Weren’t we supposed to be happy? I was too young to know the truth then. That victory meant another’s defeat, and sometimes our own defeat. That winning meant sacrifices, and sometimes ones that even our own people were not willing to make. That in war, someone always paid.
all of history
“The Valtain with her?” I asked. Max had addressed him by name yesterday, too, I recalled. “You know him?” “The Orders are incestuous,” he replied. “Everyone knows everyone, mostly because everyone has either screwed or screwed over everyone else. Sometimes both. Occasionally even at the same time.” “In-ses-tu . . . ?” “It means . . .” His brow furrowed, then he shook his head. “Never mind.”
LMFAO good luck explaining that obe
At first, there was nothing. Then bubbles started to rise around him, faster and faster, like the water was leaping to a boil. Or . . . A particularly childish image popped into my head and refused to leave. I couldn’t help myself. I pinched my nose. “Max!” I breathed, aghast. “In Threll, it is very rude to do that in front of others.” For a moment, Max just looked confused. Then realization swept over his face and his mouth flattened into a very tense, very straight line. “Tisaanah . . . Ascended help me, was that a fart joke?” I just stood there, pinching my nose, grinning. Serel and I had
...more
FART JOKE LMAO
I didn’t even think to be self-conscious until I turned around to see Max standing completely still in the water. He looked like he wasn’t even breathing, his searing gaze hurling an arrow through my chest—the intensity of it paralyzing me. What? I wanted to ask, but the force of his stare was so strong that the question withered before it left my lips. “I hope that whoever did that to you died a terrible, painful death,” he said at last, words hissing like steam. “And I hope that if there is an underworld, they suffer there forever.”
he certainly will
But I was relieved when a knock at the door rang out. Max hesitated briefly before standing to answer it, muttering, “I don’t even know what that noise is, considering that no one ever bothers.”
LMFAOO poor maxy boy
“You do not have to.” “Don’t be ridiculous. I did not graduate from the Zeryth Aldris school of shitty friendship.” “Max—” “Not a discussion.” Max still regarded me with that pondering stare, and I just looked at him in silence, two realizations dawning. The first was that I was not going to talk him out of this. And the second hit me harder: the realization that something had shifted in the nature of our relationship, and I had simply failed to notice. But I understood with a resolve that settled deep in my chest that I had been given something precious in this fragile, tentative friendship.
...more
THEY'RE FRIENDSSSSS
“We have no other ideas,” I pushed, desperately, and Max winced—as if the truth of the statement physically struck him. But again, he shook his head. “I can’t,” he said, more quietly. “I can’t.” But I heard what was really hiding in the razor’s edge of his voice, in the hard tension of his features. Before I gave myself time to think, I took his bloodied hand in mine, ignoring the startled jump of his fingers. His fear was so intense that I felt it vibrating from his skin. “Trust me,” I murmured. A plea, a request, a command—I wasn’t sure which, or perhaps all three. Max looked like he didn’t
...more
TRUST HERRRRR SMH
I thought of Nura’s lie—of the agony on Pathyr Savoi’s face when she made sure he died believing that he had killed all of his people. Was he a man who truly didn’t care about his city? Or had his rage and grief twisted his judgment so thoroughly that he believed he was doing the right thing? It was amazing, the mental somersaults minds and hearts could do to justify their actions in the name of love.
“Please tell me that man is dead.” Clip. His fingers curled around the dead petals, and the ensuing flames felt slightly brighter, slightly more vicious, this time. “He is,” I said hoarsely. “I hope you did it, and I hope it hurt.” My stomach somersaulted. And Max’s eyes flicked to me again, bearing a particular kind of knowing look that made me wonder what else he saw—whether he knew what I had done. “And I hope,” he added quietly, “that you don’t regret it for a second.” He knew. He had to. “He would have killed me,” I whispered. “He would have.” Clip. Fire. “Fucking monster.”
he wouldve hid the body girl he dont gaf
“Tell me of them,” I said quietly. “About my family?” “Yes. What were they like?” I watched Max’s hands pause, the corners of his mouth tightening ever so slightly. And I watched his eyes go far away, as if dipping his toes into memory. “Too much to say. My father was loud and friendly. My mother shy and reserved.” Cli-ip. More slowly. “I had three brothers and three sisters. Brayan, Variaslus, and Atraclius. And then the twins, Shailia and Marisca. And then Kira.”
his family
“And who the hell are we,” he finally said, voice low and thick, “to carry something so precious?”
the last memories of the dead
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Max slump backward, too, lying beside me. The warmth of him was oddly comforting, radiating even though we didn’t touch at all. That same warmth infused his words as he said, “We made an all right team.” And we did not speak again as we lay there, grounded by the grass and earth and whispering night air, eyelids finally fluttering into a tentative sleep as the sun crept toward the horizon.
the best team
“He went out there for you, you know,” she said. “So you wouldn’t be alone.” “I know.” I felt the weight of that responsibility, even though it was oddly warm and comforting in my chest. Nura’s eyes flicked back to me, a dull glimmer glittering as the corners of her eyes crinkled—the one sign of a small, distant smile. “I knew he would.”
he's a good friend
“Arch Commandant?” I squeaked. Max blinked at me. “What?” “Zeryth is Arch Commandant?” “You didn’t know?” “How I would know?” “How would I know.” “You would know what?” “I was correcting your Aran.” Max cocked his head. “You really didn’t?” I looked down at the letter again, brow furrowed. I never would have imagined that the man I had spent so much time with could possibly be the most high-ranking member of one of the most powerful organizations in the world.
I opened the ink and Max handed me a pen. I observed Max’s circle, drawn in dirt on the ground. Then went to draw the same thing— And let out a yelp, tumbling backward. As soon as I touched the pen to paper, a shock ran up my hand, releasing a puff of sparks and smoke and slapping me in the face with a force that I was thoroughly unprepared for. By the time I got my bearings again, the first thing I heard was Max’s laughter. I glowered at him. “Thank you,” I sniffed sarcastically. “You’re so very welcome.” Max composed himself, though the laughter remained in his eyes long after it faded from
...more
LMFAO
“But,” I asked, “what do the lines mean? How do I read them?” “Do you know what I hear, when you ask me that?” Max narrowed his eyes at me. “I hear, ‘Max, how do I ram my head through this with unrelenting and methodical brute force?’ ” “That’s not what I meant.” It was, a little. “Well, you can’t force these,” he said smugly.
girl it is
“So,” I said, drawing another circle. “Nura was your lover. Yes?” “Excuse me?” Max let out a strangled chuckle. “What a topic change.” “It’s true, though. Yes?” Another circle. Another set of lines. No response. “Yes,” he said finally. “Long time ago.”
ouhhhh ew
“And after?” I asked. “Other lovers?” “Nosy, nosy.” My hand stopped. I pressed my finger to the tip of my nose, raising an eyebrow. “Nose-ee?” Aran was a strange, strange language. “It’s a term for someone who sticks their nose where it doesn’t belong. The definition should include your name.” I chuckled as I drew another circle.
nose-ee
“You did not answer,” I said. “I haven’t had anything in a long time that went beyond the . . . uh . . . physical. Not that it’s any of your business.” “Physical?” I echoed. “Well—you know. More shallow romantic interactions.” “Shallow?” I leaned forward, doe-eyed. “How shallow?” “Well—poor word choice.” A slight but distinctive flush rose to his cheeks. “Definitely not shallow, but—” He stopped short as I struggled to contain my laughter, eyes narrowing at me in realization. “You shit.”
i love themmmm
And yet, I knew too that Max was right. I’d known it since the day Esmaris tried to beat me to death. I had seen such terrible things, lived such terrible things, that I mistook Esmaris’s meticulous care for love. Even though he cared for me the way one cared for a prize horse: pampered it, groomed it, broke it and rode it, and discarded it when it began to kick. After all, I was the lucky one.
“The way I look at it,” he said, very solemnly, so quietly that his words slipped into the air like steam, “you didn’t forget what you were. I think you remembered. And I hope no one ever again has the fucking audacity to tell you otherwise.”
Our life settled into a pulse, a heartbeat, a collection of breaths. In the silence between them, I memorized the cadence of Max’s barefoot steps padding down the hallways at night, the way one single muscle in his throat twitched when he was stressed, the whisper of a laugh that always followed one of my quips (however unfunny). I learned that one side of his smile always started first—the left side, a fraction of a second before the right—and that he loved ginger tea above all else and the list of things he wasn’t made for.
which side of his face smiles first??!?
And, in turn, he quietly memorized me, too. I knew he did, because one day I realized he had long ago stopped asking me how I took my tea and that we mysteriously always had a never-ending stock of raspberries, even though I knew he didn’t like them. And he would ask me, in quiet ways, about my life—always in the sleepy moments at the end of the day. Tell me about Serel. Tell me about your mother. Tell me about Nyzerene.
THE RASPBERRIES
In this mutual understanding, we became each other’s stability. On the nights when my nightmares woke me, prodded me out into the clean air of the garden, he always found himself mysteriously restless, taking a walk through the night and offering me some quiet company.
My Aran improved dramatically. Still, every so often, I would unleash a string of truly nonsensical words that butchered every conceivable rule of grammar. On one particularly exhausting day, I committed one such crime when asking Max where the Stratagram ink had gone. (“Has gone where . . . black water?”) Max hadn’t so much as paused as he reached into a drawer and produced the ink. At Sammerin’s look of somewhat horrified amazement, he shrugged and said, “After a while, you become fluent in Tisaanah-speak.” And we looked at each other and exchanged a small, proud smile.
OHH MY HLGOD THIS IS EVERYTHING
I made some terrible joke and, in response, Max winced and shook his head. “Awful. Just awful.” “You say this now,” I retorted, twisting air between my hands. “But what will you ever do when I’m gone?” I meant it as a preening joke. But as soon as the words left my mouth, they landed like a thrown brick, striking us both with a blunt, unforgiving impact. Max’s grin had stilled and wilted. One wrinkle formed between his eyebrows. We stared at each other in startled silence, something palpable and indescribable thickening in the inches between us as realization careened through us both. We had
...more
they mean so much to one another
“Now surprise me.” I smiled. Closed my fingers. When I opened them, the handful of butterflies were cast in glittering metal. Max peered into my hands, a smile twitching at one side of his mouth. “What is that, steel?” “Yes.” “Stronger than glass. Very poetic.” I shrugged, holding back my own smug smirk. I thought so, too.
“But perhaps I should spend the night practicing for—” “No. Not allowed. This is the cardinal rule: the night before an evaluation, you rest.” “Did you obey that rule?” “No. But I didn’t have a teacher as good as me.” He reached out with his thumb and swiped the tip of my nose, then looked at his fingers and made a face. “I’ve been waiting for that to fall for the last fifteen minutes. Couldn’t resist.” He turned on his heel and began striding back to the cottage, waving me to follow. “Go take a bath. You’re disgusting. And I swear to the Ascended, if I see you sneaking Stratagrams like the
...more
stinky ti
“But the part after—you are made for that?” The response slid out of me so easily, in a voice that hadn’t surfaced since my days dancing in Esmaris’s court. I took another sip of wine, drowning my own mild surprise. Watched Max’s mouth curl, ever so slightly. “I receive no complaints,” he replied smoothly.
ewww
I looked down at the box. It was perhaps the size of my splayed hand, flat, neatly crafted from brown leather. I flicked my gaze back to Max. I couldn’t help it. A lump was already rising in my throat. He barked a rough chuckle. “Open it before you give me that look. It could be a terrible gift.” I obliged, and all I could do was sit there and blink at what was revealed, utterly stunned. Inside the box was a golden necklace in a bed of black silk. The back of it was an elegant thread of gold, which then widened into a beautiful, tangled mass of glimmering butterflies. Their wings were so
...more
AAWWWWHHHHHHHHHH
At once, I understood. This was not about the necklace, beautiful and finely crafted as it was. He wasn’t giving me another pretty trinket. No, Max—Max, the man who had taken such great care to carve out his own solitary corner of the world—was giving me what I’d never had. The real gift was not the necklace. The gift was a home to come back to.
ohhh my god.
“Thank you,” I murmured finally. “It is perfect.” I let my hair drop. His fingers slid from my shoulders. “I figured you should have something both beautiful and functional, like you.” He said it so quickly that it almost didn’t register. I whipped my head around to look at him. “Max,” I breathed, touching my heart with exaggerated awe, “you think I’m functional?” A dancing smile glinted in his eyes. “I think,” he said, “that you are breathtakingly functional.”
AHHHHHH
Honestly? I thought he was breathtakingly functional, too. He was the most breathtakingly functional thing I had ever seen.
THE compliment for them
Almost as a nervous tic, my fingers drew a circle on my palms, as if trying to capture the Stratagrams that still evaded me.
“Moth has gone an entire week without destroying even one thing,” Sammerin said. “We’re all very proud of him.” “Except for the pitcher,” Moth added, “but that wasn’t really my fault.” Sammerin winced. “Except for the pitcher.”
Poor pitcher...
Sammerin and Moth began making their way to the doors, and I went to follow, but Max gently caught my wrist. I spun around. “I want you to know, Tisaanah, that I have complete and utter faith in your ability to do this,” he said. “Now let’s go show those bastards what you’re capable of.” Even though I was so nervous that I quaked, a smile tightened my cheeks. “Yes,” I agreed. “I like this plan.” And with that, we opened the doors.
get em
If I hadn’t been so nervous, the first stage of the evaluations would have been utterly hilarious. Max and I could not possibly have stood out more. Max was the only Solarie there, one messy splotch of color among a long row of pasty-skinned, white-haired Valtain teachers. And if the sheer peculiarity of a Solarie training a Valtain wasn’t enough, his reputation took what might have perhaps just been mildly awkward and made it outright ridiculous. No one seemed to know what to do with him. Every interaction was a tumble of awkward handshakes and confused raised eyebrows and hesitant, surprised
...more
POOR MAX LOL
During my personal favorite of these, one Valtain said to him, “I thought you didn’t do this anymore.” When Max flatly provided, “What, Order bullshit?” the Valtain shook his head, flailed his hands weakly, and said, “I meant, well . . . the world.” I snickered through all of this, grateful to have at least one small sliver of my brain occupied by enjoying Max’s highly visible, highly amusing social discomfort instead of my own nerves. Noticing this, Max prodded my ribs. “Don’t get too comfortable,” he grumbled. “Just you wait.” And oh, he looked like he was enjoying that grin when the
...more
GAHAHAH
By the time the first part of the evaluations concluded, I was feeling very pleased with myself. “I’m both disgusted and impressed by the delight with which you flaunt your superiority over a bunch of children,” Max said, when I rejoined him between stages. “At least try to look like you aren’t enjoying it quite so much.” “Why?” “Some might call it distasteful.” I gave him a sly smirk. “But not you.” The corner of his mouth twitched. “No,” he admitted. “Not me.”
never him!
