The Gravity of Us

by Phil Stamper

THE GRAVITY OF US was actually the fourth novel I wrote, and looking back, I’m so happy this became my debut YA novel. I’m a huge space nerd, and I got to pack all of that nerdiness into one book. While it was a blast creating such a unique contemporary world, I was also able to build in important conversations about media, mental health, and nostalgia, all while featuring and celebrating a love story between two teen boys. I’m so excited to be able to give you some behind the scenes information about THE GRAVITY OF US! While you’re here, please vote for THE GRAVITY OF US in the 2020 Goodreads Choice Awards for Best Young Adult Fiction! https://www.goodreads.com/choiceawards/best-young-adult-fiction-books-2020

New York has a way of making you feel at home, no matter where you’re at. You just have to step off the street, and some neighborhood will claim you as one of their own.

I have a complicated history with New York City. I was raised in a farming village in Ohio, and I have a ton of anxiety in crowds, which means my first few trips to NYC resulted in some truly awful experiences. (There are so many people! Everywhere!!!) But once I moved here for my day job in 2015, I really fell in love with how neighborhoods in the city somehow felt both small and large all at once. NYC is truly a place like no other, and I’m so glad I could build that love and appreciation of the city into this story through the eyes of my main character, Cal.

“The only feedback I ever hear is that he thinks you’re super cute.”

Kat is an instigator (much to Leon’s dismay) and I love her for it. The relationship between Cal and Leon moves quick, which isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I wanted to show this relationship develop naturally and quickly, thanks in part to some strategic meddling by Kat and the added pressure of the unique environment they find themselves in.

“If you want to kiss me, kiss me because you like me. Not because you think it’ll make me happy.” “But I—” “You can’t just kiss away all the bad feelings I have. You can’t kiss me and make me better. I think you know that, but … I have to say it.”

If you’ve ever heard me talk about this book, I’ve probably brought up this scene. It’s my favorite, and it perfectly shows the complicated dynamics at play. I was actually in the recording studio when the narrator Michael Crouch read this, and oh my god, it was so hard not to cry. I’ve always found that one of the best ways to take control of your mental health is to set boundaries, and I think Leon does this beautifully here.

“Sorry if I made things weird,” he says. “I’m not usually so upfront about my, um, depression.”

Let’s be honest, talking about mental health in books can be messy. Every character, like every human, has a different experience, so you want to make sure you’re not playing into stereotypes. Leon’s depression and Cal’s mom’s anxiety all come from my own experiences, so it was important for me to have multiple characters with multiple mental health experiences, all at different points in their journey towards understanding (and potentially treating) them. You’ll notice later on that, as Leon’s depression gets discussed on the page, Kat is the only person who can talk about his depression directly. His parents are worried that they’ve somehow caused it, Cal’s still trying to learn how to be the person Leon needs, but Kat acknowledges it directly. Since I’m an only child, I don’t write siblings too often, but even for her relatively small screen time (page time?) you can really feel the bond between these two siblings.

I want him to know the improbability of two people meeting like this. That it’s astounding, no matter how inconsequential it is. Sure, strangers meet all the time. It’s the universe’s way to say we don’t matter. None of this matters.

I love that so many of the top highlights are on this page. It’s my favorite scene, and as an author it’s so special to know that the things I’ve connected with most while writing ALSO connect with readers. Want some behind the scenes info about this one? This is actually all a leadup to the next part, which ends with the line “…sometimes, the universe is just wrong.” Which technically isn’t a line I wrote at all! I’ve been in this group chat for YA writers for a few years, and one day a fellow writer sent that line as a response to something we were discussing. We all thought it sounded like the perfect line for a YA book. So, we all committed to adding “the line” in our drafts, and it’s been so fun seeing the different ways it can be used. I’ve also slipped that line into my next book, AS FAR AS YOU'LL TAKE ME—let me know if you spot it!

“You know, Josh, I think I’m going to cut this conversation short.

One thing you might not know is that these StarWatch chapters weren’t in the original draft of THE GRAVITY OF US! Though it was important for me to tell this story from Cal’s perspective, one drawback was that it was harder to show the broader context of the entire mission and the pressures StarWatch put on the astronauts. My editor came up with the idea to show the reality show through interstitial chapters, and I fell in love with the idea right away. I’m in love with these chapters, because it gives voice to so many side characters and ramps up the tension in such a fun way. But also, my audiobook team was able to literally give them a voice—they use a full cast in these interviews, which makes for such a unique listening experience.

There’s something gratifying about kissing someone goodbye. Just having someone to kiss goodbye is special, and I hope I never take him for granted.

Isn’t this the truth, though? I know Cal can be selfish at times, but he’s also really grateful for these small moments. He talks faster than he thinks, but he has these rare moments of reflection and gratitude that shine through, and this is one of them that always makes me smile. I’m so glad it makes other people smile too!

I think they lost sight of the … aspirational aspect of the show. At least, that was the part that I loved.”

This is kind of a meta moment, actually. This entire book is aspirational. It’s a queer love story between two teen boys where the plot doesn’t revolve around their identity and they’re free to fall in love, fast, with no barriers. While this book shows a happy relationship, my second book As Far As You’ll Take Me has a relationship that’s a little more complicated. But in everything I write, from the strong family connections to friendships to how the story approaches the many issues teens face every day, I hope I never lose sight of the aspirational aspect of what I write.

“Don’t aim to fix people. Fixing seems so permanent, so absolute. Like there’s no room for error. Aim to make things better.

This is THE LINE. The most quoted line, by far. And wow, I just love Cal’s parents. They’re messy and immature and real, but at times like this I was able to show the kind of support that’s made Cal into the confident, clear-headed person he is at such a young age. When I first started drafting this book, Cal’s parents felt like cardboard cutouts—what I mean is that they were really one-dimensional. But I got to build out so much of their stories through researching what the original astronaut families went through. So many early astronaut wives experienced anxiety and depression, and they were thrust into a spotlight that they never asked for. Getting to modernize this in a world where the astronaut families had a voice and felt like they could use it was really important to me.

“I need you to support me now. I need you to be okay with how I am now, and not think of me as someone who is broken.”

Cal thinks in this binary that we all fall into sometimes: you’re either broken or fixed, with nothing in-between. With this dynamic, and with a lot of others, THE GRAVITY OF US thrives in the nuance and shows that everyone is their own work in progress—and that’s totally normal! I love this scene, because it’s a hard conversation that mirrors their first: Leon needs to set boundaries here.

People aren’t broken, and therapists couldn’t fix them if they were. But maybe someone can make things a little better, or help them be a little happier.

This whole section has resonated with a ton of people, and I couldn’t feel prouder about that. But when I think about it, I wrote the quotes on this page because I needed to hear them. While I was drafting and revising this book, my anxiety was worse than it’d ever been, and I felt so broken. I wanted to “fix” myself, and the treatments I was trying weren’t working. It was through writing this scene I was able to change my own perspective of “fixing” myself. Now, like Cal, I just aim to make things better.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thank you for reading through these annotations! It was so much fun to revisit some of my favorite lines in THE GRAVITY OF US and take you behind the scenes. I hope you’ll check out my next book, which comes out 2/9/2021! In my second book, AS FAR AS YOU'LL TAKE ME, 17-year-old Marty Pierce moves to London to become a professional musician. Along the way he grapples with anxiety, finds his own family, and falls in love…with the wrong boy. Add it to your shelves here: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/53138234-as-far-as-you-ll-take-me You can find out more about me on my Goodreads profile, on my website philstamper.com, or on Instagram or Twitter @stampepk. Thank you!