The Gravity of Us

by Phil Stamper

How long does it take to get over someone you barely even dated?

New York has a way of making you feel at home, no matter where you’re at. You just have to step off the street, and some neighborhood will claim you as one of their own.

If I leave, even for a year, I could lose so much.

me a couple years ago thinking about taking a gap year

But the line between sweet and creepy is especially thin when crushes are concerned, and there’s only so long two people can stand in silence before it gets weird.

There are other ways—I just have to figure them out. This is a minor setback. I suck in a breath and hold it in my chest, steeling my core.

“I guess I just like telling a story. I like challenging people’s thoughts, starting conversations. And, I don’t know … I kind of like when people listen.” “Wow … it must feel good to know exactly what you want.” He rubs his shoulder in an awkward, almost self-conscious fashion. “That’s got to be validating, though. It’s like you have all this power. People really care. They listen to you.”

I can fake a confident, serious pose, but I can’t fake happiness.

“I’m not lost, just indecisive.”

He’s calm, I’m frantic. He’s pleasant, I’m panicked.

I could write a novel about how attractive he is, how good he smells, how fucking sweet he is when you really get to know him.

So many broken people I care about, and I can’t fix any of them.

I’m not fixed, but I’m a little better.

People aren’t broken, and therapists couldn’t fix them if they were. But maybe someone can make things a little better, or help them be a little happier.