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“I’m not so sure what’s more terrifying, the violent storm inside my head or the silence.” —Oliver Masters
An abrupt crusade fought within me. A villain and a hero. An angel and a demon. Heaven and hell.
Supposedly, the Dean had decided to cast Ollie out to prove his dedication to Dolor’s core values. Others assumed he was removed temporarily while he and his brother were investigated.
“Lynch confirmed Oscar’s behind bars for good,” I fell back in my chair, “he got thirty years after linking him to other sex crimes.” “And Isaac?” Jake asked with a mouthful. “Five. Isaac wasn’t a repeat sex offender. Was only here because of drug addiction, or at least that was the little amount of information Lynch would give me.”
“Never been into redheads, but I’ll gladly start a forest fire with that one.”
It was strange, the way I starved for his approval like a father figure, looked up to him as a brother, wanted to be looked at by him as a lover, and wanted to feel close to him like a security blanket. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted from him, only the mere fact I was attached to Ethan.
“Because love is constant. When you love someone, you can be angry with them, you can hate them, you can be upset or disappointed in them, but you never stop loving them because love endures all other emotions.”
“I’m stuck between I’ll never be enough and no one else will ever love you more.” —Oliver Masters
“The cruel irony is you are my forever but not my right now.” —Oliver Masters
“I want you to love me anyway,” a single, lost tear trickled down his cheek, “Give me a year to get better, and I’ll give you a lifetime.”
“I’m not going to make you remember me, Mia. I’m going to make it where you can’t remember anything else.”
Her golden eyes captured mine. “I love you, Ollie.” Grasping my heart. Breaking those chains. Pushing those mountains. “And I’m going to love you through this—”
My heart shook as I tried to find oxygen after reading the script in Ollie’s handwriting across a petal—you’re my evermore. “A reminder,” I whispered.
“You’re not my blood, Mia, and it’s time that you know the truth.”
“You were never born in the United States, Mia. You were born here…in Surrey. Your mother took you back to the US after you were born, so you have dual citizenship. The reason I was able to convince the judge to get you into Dolor in the first place.”
“The number of people who love you doesn’t determine your worth. Remember that.”
Tears reminded us we could feel. Pain reminded us we were alive. And I’d rather feel too much than feeling nothing at all.
Around Ethan, I never had to identify what we had or put it into a box. He was a friend. He was my hero. He was everything when Ollie was gone. And he was everywhere when I needed him. He was an anchor when everything else turned to chaos. But the sad part was, if it came down to Ethan and Ollie, I’d choose Ollie.
And I knew exactly what Ollie needed this very moment. The only way to get Ollie back was to give him the girl without emotion. The girl without feelings. The fucking sociopath—the girl he fought so hard for once upon a time.
Yes, I wanted to hurt him, but only to bring him back. This had to work. With one foot in front of the other, I blinked my lights back on successfully.
For two months, the journal had been my best friend, kindly accepting every thought I had of everyone, allowing me to share everyone’s deepest secrets so I didn’t have to carry the burden on my own. My brain went haywire as I remembered every secret that passed from my fingers, through the pen, onto the paper. The same papers that someone plastered on display for everyone to see.
Still, a part of me believed it was Jude, the other part of me was leaning more towards a female. Guys would mutilate a cat. Girls would steal a diary and paint the walls with its contents. Am I dealing with two different people?
“I just wanted to thank you.” An ambiguous laugh sauntered between us. “Thank me for what?” Long fingers pushed my hair off my shoulder before they skimmed along my face line. My arms were occupied with books, so instead, I wiggled out of Maddie’s filthy grasp when she smirked. “For making it so easy for me. You were exactly who I thought you were, a cold-hearted slapper. It makes sense now why your mother killed herself.”
Slumping back in the chair, I threw my pencil at the wall, remembering times I used to throw my fist in it. Again, progress.
“Get up you fucking pussy,” Ethan barked. My hand reached for my gut with one hand as I stumbled to my feet. Spitting out the blood pooling in my mouth, I fell back against the wall for support. We both knew this was about the bruises I’d left on Mia. “Give it to me,” I offered with my fingers begging for more. “I won’t even fight back. I deserve it. I fucking deserve it.”
“You still owe your girls over there, and I’m kind enough to give you two options.” “Yeah? And what’s that?” Jude’s smile reached his eyes when he turned his focus over my shoulder to Bria and Tyler. “Become one of mine, or don’t.” “One of yours?” “You see, Tyler and Bria came to an understanding. I can protect you, too, Mia. And from the looks of it, you need some protecting.”
“Because you are hyper-sensitive, the medication also affects you more intense than others,” Conway continued, “I don’t know how much lee-way I have in lowering your dosage or getting you off it entirely, but in my honest opinion, you shouldn’t be on it. This medication isn’t going to help, it’s only going to hinder.
“If you don’t walk out of here with Mia, know there are other fish in the sea.” In an instant, my smile faded. “You don’t get it. Mia is the sea.”
Jude waved his hand before bringing the fag back to his lips, and I turned to walk back inside. The chap was harmless. A complete and utter wreck, but harmless. This had been his way of dealing with the grief of his love’s death. A death he had caused.
“I hired you to look after her!” Lynch shouted. Those words grabbed me, and I slid my eyes back to Lynch. Look after her? “You mean watch her, right? Because if I didn’t say so myself, it sounds like you fucking care about her.
Papa?
“So, October tenth two thousand twenty. Ten-ten-twenty-twenty.” I closed my eyes to make a mental note. “Ten-ten-twenty-twenty,” Ollie repeated. “Fuck, sounds good. I love it.”
I nudged my head in Zeke’s direction, “Look at him. He may not be my brother by blood, but he’s my brother by bond, and I’m not leaving him behind.”
“Consuming, timeless, unselfish, love. I’d loved you in my darkest hour when I wasn’t myself, and I’ll love you in every lifetime after this.”
I was someone’s fiancé, and not just anyone’s. I was Ollie’s.
I should have been cold—no shirt, no shoes—only the joggers with Mia’s blood soaked through and smeared over my skin. “Please,” I begged. “She’s my fiancé.”
Lynch’s wide brown eyes locked on mine, and all I saw in them was Mia. Suddenly, it hit me.
People became who they surrounded themselves with, and I decided losing a piece of my identity wasn’t worth it.
if he didn’t … love you more than I love you, he’d already be gone.” A lump lodged in my throat. My gaze remained out in front of me, my eyes watching a cloud move across the sky as Ethan’s words repeated over and over in my head. “Yeah, I said it,” Ethan fell back against the grass, “and I know you love me, too, but never in the way you love him, and I’m all right with that. I’ve come to terms with it. One day, my time will come, and when I do find the one, this thing between us remains the same. You. Are. My. Family.”
“Ollie,” the girl sang, and my eyes sprang open. “What the fuck did you just call me?” a bloke asked.
“The most dangerous man is a man in love,” he faced me, eyes wild and calm concurrently, “because I’d tear off my own flesh before someone hurts you … and if I’d do that to myself, imagine what I’d do to someone else.”
“Sometimes all we need is someone who will sit in the dark with us.” —Oliver Masters
“The only thing that bothers me is the way people talk about suicide and how it affected them. Are we so self-centered, that even in death, we selfishly cry for our losses, not once taking a second to think how much torture and pain the soul went through before deciding to end their life? It’s sickening … the silent cry for help no one responds to when the person needed it most. There’s never an action, only a reaction on this bloody earth. The moment someone speaks up about their internal pain, they’re shoved onto meds, counseling, and hospitals,”
“If you believe in nothing, then that is what you live for. And living for nothing is a waste, wouldn’t you say?”
“Madilyn,” Bria deadpanned. “My name is Madilyn and if I have to hear you call me that name one more time …”
His eyes moved past me to behind me. His emerald gems grew in size and was replaced once again by panic. Zeke’s shriek pierced my eardrums, and Ollie shoved me to the side just as Zeke jumped between Madilyn and where I stood seconds before. Time sped. Before Ollie could do anything, Madilyn had removed the blade from her side, and drove it into Zeke’s stomach.
“You have to stay with me, brother,” Ollie cried, frantically pushing down on Zeke’s stomach. “Hang in there.” Zeke’s eyes slid to mine, and peace filled the dark circles of them. Calm in the storm, succumbing to his fate. He’d lost the will to fight, finally wanting to be set free.
“Mia, and Ollie, forever,” Zeke finally whispered with a hoarse throat. His eyes blinked closed as blood spread through his shirt.
“It’s not what you think,” Ethan chanted in my ear with his hand pressed firmly against my mouth, muffling my screams as the boy slowly suffocated before me.
The cold hard truth was, if I wanted something done, I had to do it myself. It was time Livy’s murderers were punished, and thanks to Tommy, one of them had been taken care of. But it was up to me to take out the last four blokes under the same fate they'd given my sister. One by fucking one.
