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“I’m not so sure what’s more terrifying, the violent storm inside my head or the silence.” —Oliver Masters
“Say anything,” she pleaded, taking my hand in hers. It was all I ever wanted before—her touch. All I wanted at this moment, though, was the silence.
“Tell me what to do, Ollie. How am I supposed to remind you?” she asked, desperation twined in her tone and beaten eyes—my little desperate explosion of hope. There was nothing to remind me of. I remembered everything.
My reckless mouth grabbed onto hers, holding on for dear life. But not even her anchor was strong enough against the waves of the paralysis.
“The two slowest deaths are absence and time.” —Oliver Masters
“You’re desperate, I know, but his touch is never going to fix it. You’re empty, I know, but he can never fill the place I once did. I warned you, my love, but you’re stubborn and never listen.” —Oliver Masters
After day bled into night, it became impossible to hide. Ollie wasn’t here to get me through it, and I was angry. Ollie had taught me how to save myself, but this time, I was drowning, and I didn’t have the strength to swim against the current of the pain. But, Ethan kept my head above water. At least when I closed my eyes, I could pretend it was Ollie. And I was desperate.
“What’s keeping me up at night is the haunting memory of that last breath you took right in front of me.” —Oliver Masters
Her name invited more rips inside my chest and more memories of us together. Memories of the way she made me feel. Memories of the way I’d made her feel. Perfection. She’d always fit perfectly in my arms. She’d fit perfectly on top of me. I’d fit perfectly inside her. She’d fit perfectly beside me, against me, under me, bodies entangled and aligned. Every way, we’d fit without flaw. Her body was my kingdom come. Her divine kiss was my salvation. Her soul was mine’s paradise. Mia was my evermore. And I’d known since the moment my soul felt hers.
“The truth is, I’m not normal. Is that too much for you to handle?” —Oliver Masters
“Because love is constant. When you love someone, you can be angry with them, you can hate them, you can be upset or disappointed in them, but you never stop loving them because love endures all other emotions.”
“I’m stuck between I’ll never be enough and no one else will ever love you more.” —Oliver Masters
her warmness still engulfed me like a blissful disease—a disease I could die happily from.
“The cruel irony is you are my forever but not my right now.” —Oliver Masters
He wasn’t smiling now, but his face still managed to blow me away to places we both should have stayed.
This used to be my safe haven. But I created this space for you to run away to, to feel safe because that’s what you are to me. You’re my safe place.”
Yes, he silenced the world with his voice, but he was able to stop time with his silence, and every part of me hung on like a last breath.
“Give me a year to get better, and I’ll give you a lifetime.”
“There may be a storm inside my head, but never get between me and my heart. That is a battle you will lose every time.” —Oliver Masters
“We’re Ollie and Mia. Not some bloody love story or fairy tale. Those all have endings,” I reiterated before finishing off the bottle. “Real love never dies.”
Tears reminded us we could feel. Pain reminded us we were alive. And I’d rather feel too much than feeling nothing at all.
I didn’t feel guilty for the relationship we had, if anything, I was grateful for it. No one knew the depths and it was better that way. Around Ethan, I never had to identify what we had or put it into a box. He was a friend. He was my hero. He was everything when Ollie was gone. And he was everywhere when I needed him. He was an anchor when everything else turned to chaos.
“Do not fear the hurt in their eyes. Instead, fear when hurt fades to hollow. For the difference between the two is the heart.” —Oliver Masters
"Nope still broken. Looks like ‘sorry’ didn’t do shit. That’s me,”—I pointed to the pieces— “that’s my fucking heart, and your apology isn’t going to mend or heal your mistakes anymore. Your ‘sorry’ doesn’t piece back what you’ve broken. And this time, it was us you broke.
Love was power. But by being dominated by love could bring out the best and the worst in people, a back and forth game of tag to make sure you weren’t the one left powerless. I could mark that as my worst moment—purposely hurting the only person I ever loved just to prove a point. Yes, I wanted to hurt him, but only to bring him back.
You’re Mia and Ollie. Never broken, only bent.
said she was the devil …” “And what did you say?” “Even the devil was once an angel.”
“How does the story end?” “That’s the beauty of it, mate. It doesn’t. Love has no beginning and no ending, much like the fall no one warned me about. Love is unpredictable, impulsive, and doesn’t allow anyone or anything close enough to threaten it, much like the girl I fall every day for. Her black heart was a shield and her lost soul had been searching—protecting herself from predators while wandering the earth for me. Perhaps God gave up on his angel too soon …” “You’re questioning God now?” “All I’m saying is, I would’ve given her an eternity plus a day past crestfallen.” —Oliver Masters
“My first mistake was bringing flowers to a gun show.” —Oliver Masters
Ollie had the ability to eradicate and piece me back together in one single breath, and with one look, he had the power to erase the world around us. I felt his words when he spoke, vibrations in the spaces between my bones. His love pumped through my veins, even when he was gone because we were bound together by something much bigger.
“I smiled, temptation could try to find a way in, but no hand can touch the places I’ve been.” —Oliver Masters
There are cracks, but now the light can shine through.
That’s the thing about love. Once it touched you, it didn’t go away. It was laced in every breath. It was embedded in your skin. It seeped deep into your soul and lived forever, and you spent your entire life feeding that single heavenly feeling afraid it would leave at some point.
“If you don’t walk out of here with Mia, know there are other fish in the sea.” In an instant, my smile faded. “You don’t get it. Mia is the sea.”
“Let it go, love. Guilt looks horrible on you. It doesn’t match the color of your eyes.”
My lips screamed that I missed him while his screamed to remember him. To remember us.
“You’re not broken, only bent to perfection.” —Oliver Masters
“I could ruin you.” I dusted off the front of his shirt. “I’m already fucking ruined.”
just as much as she was all-consuming, she was imperfect and honest—the representation of love. Consuming. Imperfect. Honest.
You are not alone in this. You hurt, I hurt. You’re in pain, I’m in pain. Whatever you go through, I feel it because you’re a part of me. We’re in this together.”
Together was all we needed, and I was confident we could survive in the arms of each other forever, never needing anything else;
my angel. Doctors saw imperfections, a mental illness, but all I saw was strength: a powerful mind and the ability to protect the rest of herself from it when needed.
People who couldn’t fathom or understand one’s complexity, blamed it on a sickness. The people who couldn’t put you in a specific box, shied away. And the people who couldn’t open their hearts to those who were different from them, undermined. But where they saw flaws, I saw blessings.
“I suffer from the heart of a saint with the hands of a sinner.” —Oliver Masters
Finding someone who accepted and understood you entirely was rare, and forcing the ones you love, to sever those kinds of relationships, only hurt your own. If I were honest with myself, she never belonged to me. She belonged to this world, and the only way to truly love her was to love her unselfishly. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have loved her at all.
Together, we’re a fucking perfect storm.” “A notion that even science can’t grasp.”
“I’d write about your lips,” his thumb grazed over my bottom lip, “and how they were made perfectly with mine in mind. I’d write about those brown eyes of yours, and how they were created to hold my reflection. And your touch … how you don’t understand the power a single brush of your finger has over me. But what’s truly remarkable is when the world attempts to pull me under, you arrest my heart, and the rest of me could slip away, but it wouldn’t matter. Still, it would beat. Steady. Solid. Secure.”
“Kiss her crazy and love her insane.” —Oliver Masters
Love was attracted to the soul inside, blind to everything else. No one had an option—no choice in the fucking matter. Love had no guilt, fear, or negatives—only pure in form, attacking the organs, embedding itself deep, hungry, to thrive and grow. Shamelessly, love had no barriers or rules, and the real tragedy was the resistance from the close-minded. One day, love would conquer fear.
“Hey, if you’re a psycho, then I’ll love you insane.”
