The School of Life: An Emotional Education

by The School of Life

We can also state at this point that Romanticism has been a disaster for love. It is an intellectual and spiritual movement that has had a devastating impact on the ability of ordinary people to lead successful emotional lives. Our strongest cultural voices have, to our huge cost, given us a very unhelpful script to apply to a hugely tricky task. We have been told, among other things, that: ■ we should meet a person of extraordinary inner and outer beauty and immediately feel a special attraction to them, and they to us; ■ we should have highly satisfying sex, not only at the start, but for ever more; ■ we should never be attracted to anyone else; ■ we should understand one another intuitively; ■ we don’t need an education in love (we may need to train to become a pilot or a brain surgeon, but not a lover—we will pick that up along the way, by following our feelings); ■ we should have no secrets and spend constant time together (work shouldn’t get in the way); ■ we should raise a family without any loss of sexual or emotional intensity; ■ our lover must be our soulmate, best friend, co-parent, co-chauffeur, accountant, household manager, and spiritual guide. Reflecting on the history of Romanticism should be consoling because it suggests that quite a lot of the troubles we have with relationships don’t stem (as we normally, guiltily, end up thinking) from our ineptitude, our inadequacy, or our regrettable choice of partners. Knowing the history invites anot...