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The day your whole life changes, you wake up totally benign. You dress the same. You eat the same breakfast. You have the same old everyday thoughts. Later, you look back on those last moments of normal and yearn for them. Desperately. You relive the tiniest detail in your mind, greedy for the feeling of plain.
Another door I didn’t want to open.
I sat next to the bed and watched him sleep. I’d studied his face so many times before. In my dreams as a little girl. Through my camera lens. Through the eyes of a sister, a best friend, and a lover.
He knew. It must’ve felt like goodbye to him, too.
Our words sounded simple, but they were weighted down with meaning. We’d pledged to always choose one another over everything and everyone else. I couldn’t stay and fix this.
He crumbled in front of me, fractured by his own mistakes, by a circled past that had spun back around and ruined him. Ruined us.
Sometimes, at the very end, when we want to kick and scream and fight to stay with the ones we love, we have to give in and let them go. We have to be strong and selfless and tell them it’s time to leave us.
