The Perks of Being a Wallflower

by Stephen Chbosky

I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

I just know that another kid has felt this.

And all the books you’ve read have been read by other people. And all the songs you’ve loved have been heard by other people.

if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing “unity.”

And all you want is to always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you’re happy, too.

My brother … football … Brad … Dave and his girlfriend in my room … the coats … the cold … the winter … “Autumn Leaves” … don’t tell anyone … you pervert… Sam and Craig … Sam… Christmas … typewriter… gift… Aunt Helen … and the trees kept moving … they just wouldn’t stop moving …

Bob said that it was all about our parents not wanting to let go of their youth and how it kills them when they can’t relate to something.

I do know that her boyfriend said it wasn’t his baby, but my sister knew that it was. And I do know that he broke up with her right there at the dance.

Something really is wrong with me. And I don’t know what it is.

I know that I brought this all on myself. I know that I deserve this. I’d do anything not to be this way. I’d do anything to make it up to everyone. And to not have to see a psychiatrist, who explains to me about being “passive aggressive.”

I don’t know how much longer I can keep going without a friend. I used to be able to do it very easily, but that was before I knew what having a friend was like. It’s much easier not to know things sometimes.

But because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody.

Brad’s father started beating Brad. Not a slap kind of beating. A belt kind. A real kind.

It’s strange how things can change back as suddenly as they changed originally.

The thing that Brad yelled at Patrick. “Faggot!” Brad’s football buddies start laughing. A

Especially when you can’t do anything except “be there.” I want to make him stop hurting, but I can’t. So, I just follow him around whenever he wants to show me his world.

“I would die for you. But I won’t live for you.” Something like that. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people.

I was happy because they were happy.

There were several girls. Several times. Drunk and sober. And I guess he never felt bad.

Maybe it’s better to know the whole truth. I honestly don’t know.

said that about me was my aunt Helen. I was very grateful to have heard it again. Because I guess we all forget sometimes. And I think everyone is special in their own way. I really do.

Then, I started crying again. I really am a roller-coaster sometimes. But Sam was patient.

but I didn’t mind because I think he missed the point somewhere.

You can’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can’t. You have to do things.”

“But you weren’t, Charlie. At those times, you weren’t being his friend at all. Because you weren’t honest with him.”

I were watching television with my Aunt Helen. Everything was in slow motion. The sound was thick. And she was doing what Sam was doing.

It’s like all I can do is keep writing this gibberish to keep from breaking apart.

And even if she were here, I don’t think I could talk to her either. Because I’m starting to feel like what I dreamt about her last night was true.

being one of those people who listens and understands and doesn’t try to sleep with people even though you could have.

and I saw a girl in class, who didn’t notice me, and she talked all about you to a friend of hers. And even though I didn’t know you, I felt like I did because you sounded like such a good person. The kind of person who wouldn’t mind receiving letters from a kid.

I kind of figured out that everything I dreamt about my aunt Helen was true. And after a while, I realized that it happened every Saturday when we would watch television.

especially since my mom seems happy with her life, and I don’t know what else there is to want.

So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad.