Before I Called You Mine

by Nicole Deese

The boyish curve of his mouth intensified the tightening in my throat. Not because I wanted to say no to him, but because I couldn’t remember ever wanting to say yes to a dinner date invitation more. Joshua Avery wasn’t some random setup. He hadn’t texted me out of the blue because a friend’s brother’s neighbor thought we’d have something in common. He wasn’t the result of an online matchmaking site or a bribe sent by my meddling sister. He was simply a man, asking me out the old-fashioned, face-to-face way, and everything in me wanted to melt into a sappy puddle of Where have you been hiding these past few years?

The rules were all common sense: no cross talking, no oversharing, no interrupting, and no advice-giving without permission. These were followed by the usual “what’s said in support group stays in support group” confidentiality clause.

They were just that type of couple. The super handsy, super cuddly, super oblivious-to-the-public-eye type of couple.

“I mean, what are you thinking? You can’t just . . . just . . . adopt a kid from some orphanage across the world and suddenly expect to know how to be its parent. It doesn’t work like that.”

How do women who get pregnant know how to parent? What an ignorant thing to say to a woman looking to adopt. We learn from experience. Getting pregnant doesn’t give you some magic “I know how to parent this child forever and ever” magic sauce. Every parent gets the grace from God and learns from experience and those around them.

“God doesn’t trick His children. He loves us, and everything He asks of us, or allows us to walk through, has a purpose.”

We aren’t powerful enough to mess up God’s plan. Can we deny it? Yes. Can we delay it while we chase our own way? Absolutely. But sometimes our character needs time to catch up to our calling.”

But that, I’d learned, was adoption in a nutshell, a recipe for all things bittersweet. In the same mixing bowl were often heaping amounts of celebration and challenge, gratitude and grief, hope and heartache.

What is the hard that God’s asking me to partner with Him in?