Reckless Memories (Wrecked #1)

by Catherine Cowles

There was a deafening crunch, and then blinding pain. Fire seemed to lick my skin, but there were no flames, only shattered glass and twisted metal. I tried to keep my breaths shallow, it seemed to help the burning. “Sissy? Ford?” There was no answer.

The island might be a reminder of my most painful memories, but it also housed all my very best ones, too. And unlike other people in my life, I wasn’t willing to lose the good memories just to keep out reminders of the bad.

bent down to pick up the bouquet of violets and the envelope. I inhaled deeply, the sweet scent of the blooms wrapping around me, both painful and a comfort. I slipped a finger under the seal and carefully ripped it open, wondering what memory I’d get this year. There was never a note, only a bouquet of violets and a copy of an old photo of my sister. I had no idea who brought them, but I’d gotten them every year since Violet’s death, always sometime the week of her birthday. For a couple of years, I’d thought it was Ford, his way of comforting me from afar, but I’d given up on that silly hope and started to just appreciate the gesture for what it was. Marking a life that had meant so much to me. Honoring all the memories she’d left behind.

I’d known the second I came to in the emergency room and they’d told me that Violet was gone. I’d known Isabelle would hate me forever. But knowing and seeing it were two very different things. Seeing it might strike me down where I stood.

“Don’t turn this around on me. There’s only one person who’s at fault here.”

“Jesus, Ford, not because of the accident. Because of how you acted after it. You don’t think it damn near killed that girl to lose her sister and you in one fell swoop?”

Actions that had left me alone and grieving while my family fell apart around me. Alone to deal with surgeries and the hours upon hours of painful physical therapy. Alone to face the blame and pressure of my parents. Alone when they tried to twist me into some sort of Violet 2.0.

“That girl has been through way too much. Losing her sister. Losing you. Recovering from her injuries. It was weeks before the Kiptons would let us even visit her. And Bell didn’t understand what was going on behind the scenes. Didn’t know what her parents were putting you through.”

“Wait, you told me Bell was fine. After the accident, you said she was okay.”

“She was, and she is, but she had some injuries that required surgery, and her body was banged up. Her recovery took time.”

“You should’ve told me.”

“Why? So you could blame yourself for one more thing? You were drowning, and I wasn’t going to throw one more weight your way. Bell is fine, she made a one-hundr...

“More of the same, but worse. Trying to turn her into a mirror image of Violet. The pressure they put on her to be perfect…it just makes me so mad.”

Some wounds were too deep. Some history too painful. You could forgive, but you’d never forget.

I flipped a page, and my hand stilled. The photo I’d glued to the paper was gone. I’d decorated the area surrounding it with drawings of trees, marsh grass, and the pond where the picture had been taken. It should’ve been three smiling faces looking back at me. Violet, me, and Ford. My fingers skimmed across the page where the snapshot had been, the paper torn away just slightly. Had the glue dried out and the photo come loose?

I didn’t. I barely saw them at all. I’d tried when I got back from college. Did a couple of family dinners. But each one included a pitch from Dad on taking the MCAT so I could apply to medical school and join his practice, and Mom’s subtle digs at my clothes and hair. The final straw had been when my mother had wailed, “Why can’t you just be more like your sister was?” when I refused to be set up with one of her friend’s sons. I saw them only in passing now. And it was always awkward.

“That girl missed you more.”

“She still comes in every Saturday like the three of you used to. Still gets an ice cream from Two Scoops every year on the day school lets out. Vi might be gone, but there are still people here who love you.”

was a scarf I hadn’t seen in at least a dozen years. Pale pink and blue plaid. One of Violet’s favorites.

“She has scars.”

“You didn’t know?”

“Know what?”

“She has a bunch of scars from the accident. Got those tattoos to cover them.”

“I—I have to go.”

hurt her. Not only had I stolen Bell’s sister, I’d marked her for the rest of her life.

“These scars don’t make me ugly, Ford. They tell the world I’m a survivor.”

“You left me!”

“You knew what my parents were like, how cold that house was. You knew I’d just lost my sister. No one would’ve understood my grief like you. Not a single person. Because you lost her, too. But instead of being there for me, letting me be there for you, you ran. And never once did you look back until Hunter forced your hand.”

“I needed you.”

needed you, and you just left. Like it was the easiest thing in the world.”

“Grief has a way of warping the way we see ourselves and the world around us. Him thinking those things, it doesn’t have anything to do with you. It’s because he blames himself.”

“Did you know your parents threatened to sue me?”

“What?” No.

“It’s only part of the picture.”

“Can you give me the whole thing?”

“When I woke up in the hospital, and they told me what had happened, that we’d lost Vi, the first thing I did was ask to see you. I needed to make sure you were okay. I was terrified. Scared to death that you were going to hate me forever, but I still needed to see you.”

“When I asked my parents to find a way for me to see you, they told me that your parents had refused them access. They didn’t want us anywhere near you or them. When I pushed it, your mother came to my hospital room and informed me that if I contacted them or you, they’d sue me for wrongful death. God, Bell. I was so damn young. I thought I knew it all then. But looking back, I was just a kid. She said you didn’t want to see me, and part of me believed her.”

I’d loved him forever, and the price I’d have to pay now was the guilt. Guilt and knowing I’d never have the one thing my heart wanted above all others. Him.

“Maybe you’ve just been missing the things that give life heart. It’s not always the big, glamorous accomplishments. Sometimes, it’s the everyday things that have meaning.”

“Just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. Sometimes, the greater the difficulty, the sweeter the reward.”

But that was the thing about life. So often, we didn’t realize that the rarest and most beautiful gifts were already in our possession. Sometimes, we didn’t discover that truth before it was too late.

“It’s like I slowly disappeared for them. The person they knew doesn’t exist anymore, and they have no interest in getting to know the new me. So, I’m just…gone.”

“I see you, Bell. And everything about you is beautiful.”

“I see you.”

I pushed open the door and gasped. It looked as if a tornado had come through my apartment. Items had been torn off shelves and thrown about. My precious potted plants had been upended, and dirt was strewn everywhere. And there were feathers, so many feathers. From the pillows, I realized. Someone had taken scissors or a knife to the throw pillows on my couch.

rushed forward, my knees knocking against the hard floor as I went down. My scrapbook. I quickly flipped through the pages, every single photo was gone. When I reached the back page, there was a note written in angry black letters. You don’t deserve to have her. You never did.

I’d get hit with a memory of the two of us, the reckless kind, the kind that lit a fire in me to call her, to see her. Those reckless memories would almost bring me to my knees.

Ford’s lips met mine in a slow, heady enticement. They were so warm and surprisingly smooth, but the bite of the stubble lining his mouth sent a warring cascade of sensations over my skin. I wanted to sink into the feeling, into the kiss, into Ford. I wanted to lose myself in everything that was uniquely him.

“That was—”

“I don’t think there are words to describe that kiss, Trouble.”