changing any relationship problem rests directly on our ability to work on bringing more of a self to that relationship. Without a clear, whole, and separate “I,” relationships do become overly intense, overly distant, or alternate between the two. We want closeness, but we become ineffective and fuzzy agents of change, moving in this week with angry complaints and distancing next week with cold withdrawal—none of which leads to anything new. Without a clear “I” we become overly reactive to what the other person is doing to us, or not doing for us—and we end up feeling helpless and powerless
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