I'll Be the One

by Lyla Lee

I’ve gotten in the habit of saying “mhm” over and over again until she stops talking, even though every word she says feels like a sharp needle piercing my skin.

Plus, she’s really pretty in a way that makes my bi heart squeeze a little. If I were allowed to date girls, and if my parents knew I wasn’t straight, I’d totally date her.

One moment, they’re telling you that you need to lose weight, and the next, they’re shaming you for not eating.

I’m fat and I take up space, but that’s

okay, I tell myself, repeating one of the mantras I always say to myself in moments like this. I’m allowed to take up space just as much as anyone else.

And what she went through in the past doesn’t give her an excuse for how she treats me now.

Why should I have to stand up for myself all the time? Just because I’m fat doesn’t mean I have to let myself get hurt by these people over and over again. I’m not some spokesperson for all fat people, nor am I some martyr. I’m just one girl trying to achieve her dreams and live her own life.

“Nah, I’m kidding. I’m a total Hufflepuff. No backstabbing here. Just a lot of emotional crying.”

I stare at my own reflection in the mirror beside my locker. “You

are beautiful,” I whisper to myself. “Don’t let anyone, not even yourself, tell you any different.”

But I can still change myself and what sort of impact I have on other people. So I’m going to try to become stronger as a person and keep having a positive impact on people, like I have here.”

“I’m fat. People think it means I should hate myself, and when I don’t, it makes them uncomfortable. But this is just another part of who I am, and I’m happy with who I am.”