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That girl failed me, so I want to be my own hero.”
Damn, harsh. Was it really *her* fault?
in fact, Mom and she always encourage it because they know all my schoolwork is online.
How the hell did "mom and she always encourage it" get past an editor?
For Mom, what “everyone” thinks of me is always more important than what I want. “Everyone” could be our neighbors, our relatives, or even my friends. Regardless of who she’s talking about, she’s always scared about what other people might think of me, like everyone in our lives is scrutinizing my every move. Our every move.
“I’m so sorry,” I say. “I left my house at ten, but there was this huge accident on the 5.”
"The 5" - SoCal confirmed. :)
“I really love RM,” Henry says. “He’s the backbone of BTS. It’s really impressive how he can speak English, too, even though he’s never lived in the US.”
RM <3 Henry has good BTS taste.
She cringes. She actually cringes. “How am I going to show my face to everyone after this? What am I going to tell my customers? Your relatives in Korea are already messaging me about the audition.” I can hardly believe my ears. She’s thinking about how my going viral will affect her.
This narcissistic bitch. Ugh. This is... Triggering lol
Mom, though . . . I’m not sure if even Dr. Franklin would have any luck with her. She’s so set in her ways.
Relatabllllle
“Let’s not be douchey homophobic parents, yeah?” Henry raises his eyebrows. “Whoa, don’t you think it’s too early to be talking about kids?”
Ahahaha
“I guess that makes us . . . what, bi squared?”
Aaaaah
And that’s when I decide that enough is enough. I may not be able to do anything about Bora disqualifying me from the dance part of the competition, but I can change what goes on in my own home. “No, Mom,” I say. Since I know she’ll only dismiss me if I start to get emotional, I keep my voice flat and even. I sound strange and stiff to my own ears. “I lost my appetite because of the incredibly rude comments you made about my weight.” “Honey, I only want the best for you. When you’re a parent yourself, you’ll look back and feel grateful that I cared so much about you.” “Grateful? Mom, there is
...more
Yessss tell her
By now, I’m crying like a baby. But instead of feeling like I’m breaking into pieces, I’m strangely calm inside. Crying doesn’t feel like an act of defeat this time. It’s more of a release. Because everything that happened in the last three months has been more than enough for me to stop caring about what other people think about me. And that includes Mom.
Mood
Despite my tears, my voice comes out strong and firm as I say, “I may have gotten disqualified from the dance portion of the competition, but I’ll still prove to you that you’re wrong. I’m going to make the entire world see that I’m beautiful and powerful just the way I am, and you’re going to have to watch.”
Maybe I didn’t need her approval, after all. I know my worth, now more than ever. If this is all I’m ever going to get from her, then so be it.
I don’t say, “Thanks for believing in me,” or “Thanks for always being there for me,” because we both know those words would just be lies. That’s not the kind of relationship I have with Mom. It’s time that I finally accepted it.
Traffic to Santa Monica is so bad that by the time we get there, it’s past noon and I’ve caught up on all my friends’ Instagram stories.
This is why I can never live in L.A./SoCal
Even in the reddish-orange glow of the setting sun, the neon pink and blue lights of the ride shine bright against the darkening sky. It looks like something out of a fairy-tale book.
“I can’t just keep running away. They’re my family, so I have to deal with them sooner or later. They probably won’t ever accept me for who I am, but I can try my best on my end so that when it’s time to let go, I can make peace with myself and say that I tried.”
Henry smiles, like he finally understands what I’m getting at. “You’re living your best life,” he says. “They’re not.”
