The Hilarious World of Depression

by John Moe

“Oh, no, I knew it the second I saw you. The questions and stuff were to make sure. And to be polite.” Good one, Kovar. He said I could try a bunch of things to address it and he’d work with me on that. There isn’t any one single thing that works for everyone, he said, but there are a lot of things we can try. Right off the top, it’s a good idea to get out and exercise on a regular basis. You don’t need to train for a marathon, but set a schedule for running and biking. Eating healthy is always a good idea, too. “And,” he said, “I’d like to start you on some medication. We’ll try the lowest dose of Zoloft just to see how it goes.” “Is there any way we could do this without pills?” I asked. “I don’t want to be all altered. I want to still be myself.” “This kind of medication doesn’t make you into anyone else. If it works the way it does for a lot of people, you’ll feel more like yourself. Kind of cleans the windshield. As for not being altered, how’s the status quo working out for you?” This Kovar character had a good answer for everything. Almost as if he had been in a thousand conversations like this one and had years and years of medical training. He said looking into talk therapy would also be a good idea, that it helped a lot of people in my situation. But in the meantime, he wanted me to feel better much sooner, and thus the Zoloft.