You Exist Too Much

by Zaina Arafat

I am lost in my mother’s possibility, in what could’ve been, caught between her frustrated potential and a desire to fulfill my own. I lament the disappointments that have come from surrendering her approval to pursue my own desires. I lament what she’s given up for me. Our mutual sacrifice creates wounds that may never heal. I will carry sadness for her pain, and also for mine. In receiving love from others, it will always be hers I crave most.

I look to Anouk, and I kiss her. She kisses me back. There is something to protect here, something else to long for. I then look to the screen and catch our reflection before turning it off, making room for the two of us.