Last Tang Standing

by Lauren Ho

And establishing dominance must be done in a classy, indirect, subtle way, like farting.

chicken feet in soy sauce, a Power Move in itself as this is a dish rife with possibility for disaster (of the dry-cleaning variety).

Laughing at your enemy’s jokes is a sign of submission.

“I did want to be a marine biologist. Or was it a mermaid? One of those. And you?”

don’t want people to think I actually have hobbies, or a life, outside of the law.” He winked.

Anything, that is, except dentistry and accountancy.” He grinned. “One has to draw the line somewhere.”

I would be like the Dude in The Big Lebowski, Zen as a Japanese zephyr on Valium.

“You’re lucky I’ve got spare deodorant. Come with me.”

I stumbled away with as much dignity as I could. Drunken walk-offs are not easy.