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You need to make it completely clear in your mind that others recognising you, giving you attention, a moment of their time, is not you being treated as somebody special. You translate that into specialness because you hardly ever feel good about yourself.
Guys say, ‘You are special’, to girls they are trying to have sex with. The point is, if you rely on others to feel special, then that may become the norm in your life, then a habit and, after that, a crippling need. Appreciate their kindness, of course, in cases where there was no motive behind the words. And if there was one, you can appreciate the sentiment, take inspiration from it, if it’s work related, and be aware of their motives.
the right to feel special must be earned and must only be yours to give. It shouldn’t belong to others because:
Having practical expectations from the world will make you more self-reliant and less reliant on the good words of others. This will save you from constantly trying to please people and feeling miserable when you fail.
Whatever I do, I do it for myself, because I want to prove to myself I can do it, recognising that whatever you do in turn impacts the world.
Because whatever I do impacts the world, I shall and must become better, so I can impact the world for the better.
When they appreciate you, single you out, congratulate you and welcome your efforts, you must understand that it is a normal, deserved reaction to your praiseworthy actions, not acts of benevolence from higher beings.
You get hurt about things and start doing extremely stupid shit because a lot of times you are looking at it the wrong way.
rejections are a normal thing, and I don’t have to take them personally,
warm, friendly, fatherly, kind, intelligent, knowledgeable, mature, wild, fun, crazy and awesome to you.
They may seem this way, but I don’t fucking know.
Knowledge about something, anything, comes from data—remind yourself of this. I am not going to expect anything from them. I know practically nothing about their life. I am going to observe and wait for real data to show up. Waiting means that you allow yourself time to calm down from your initial excitement.
The sentiment behind what they say could very well be to sound thoughtful, caring and kind on purpose. But what people say and what they do are quite often two separate things. Therefore, don’t outright buy the nice-sounding bullshit they say. Observe
Real data is found in the choices they make, not what they say they would like to make. Fuck what they would like to do, focus on what people actually do.
A bad person, in your mind, is one who is manipulative, calculative, lying, scheming, Machiavellian, sociopathic, or a criminal mastermind, basically somebody who has the word ‘bad’ written all over them. That’s what watching fucking movies and TV shows have taught you. So, you avoid considering that with a person who is making you feel good. What you need to realise is that ‘bad’ people, basically those who are going to screw you over, unlike in movies and TV shows, don’t announce to the world that they are bad. People who are going to be good to you as well as people with self-serving
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never forget, people are fucking weird. So screw the first impression no matter what they do professionally. Accept that we live in a world of marketing, so screw what they are selling—charm, looks, profundity, it doesn’t matter. And always keep an eye out for real data. That is what will end the practice of you thinking that any person who makes you
The more you chase after feeling good, the more your ass is going to be kicked by life because, in doing so, you ignore all those important things you need to do.
The more you focus on thinking, the better the decisions you make keeping in mind not feelings, but long-term, stable results.
I know I shouldn’t be with them, yet I can’t stop loving them. I can’t stop chasing after them. I can’t move on from that person. You can’t because a part of you is genuinely convinced that their union with your existence brings you the ultimate happiness. You feel that way because of the happiness that you once felt with them, which according to your mind is ‘the best feeling ever’. And because your goal in life is to be happy, and you currently don’t know of any other happiness better than what you felt with them, you obsess over them even though their presence is currently brutalising you
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I am pretty sure that, right now, you would choose the other things as they sound sensible. But, in life, it is not possible as long as you are convinced that happiness is the final goal. You have to chuck that thought out of your mind. You have to say, fuck happiness. I don’t want to be happy, I want to be satisfied in life. I want self-satisfaction. How do you make that transition? Let’s talk about it in the next chapter.
Self-satisfaction starts with the knowledge of the self. The thing with knowledge of such kind is, when it’s not applied, it gets locked up in the theoretical side of your brain to be used later when you wish to sound smart or give smart advice. Knowledge of self, therefore, can only be achieved by knowing with certainty that it works when applied in reality.
There is no known deadline for the ‘right time’, only the truth that it will come.
The point of cultivation is not storing knowledge in your mind so you can use it later to impress people. That might make you knowledgeable, not intelligent. It’s pointless if it doesn’t reflect in your actions. Cultivation of the mind means keeping what makes you think and applying what makes sense.
There are a lot of things you do on a daily basis that are either done out of habit or an addiction to the short bursts of pleasure. They may not necessarily be requested by your self. They are done because, if you thought about your current state of affairs, you’d be pretty bummed out—they serve as an escape. They are activities you do to squeeze out some happiness because you wanna run away from facing the truth. So, watching videos endlessly, gaming out of a crippling need to secure a rush of excitement, hanging around with your friends out of habit, or desperately texting random people to
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Your wants and actions come under the category ‘interest’ only when they are controlled by you, not you by them. Only then can they be comparable to things like working out, riding a bike, cooking, playing an instrument, most of which are highly controlled activities. The thing to remember is: they don’t tend to take over you.
That is why, even if you are not in a group, you are still doing the same things that everybody around you is doing—to fit in. You are super scared of being a loner. You have the wants and fantasies of having cool friends and cool experiences. You are reading and watching videos on how to be awesome, impressive and an extrovert. How do I stop being shy? Because that will change everything, right? Once that is out of the way and you have the approval of people, everything will be great, right? That’s some epic-level bullshit.
Now, remember: you are doing all of this because deep down you are threatened that they might take away the source from which you feel worthy. All you need to do is, shift that source. You don’t need to rely on others to tell you whether you are worthy or not. Are you an adult? Are you capable or not? Fucking decide on your own what standards you want to meet in life, and that’s it. Once that’s done, you decide what your worth is based on those standards. At least they are coming from your own mind. Instead, you are busy cock-fighting with this person you have no beef with. It’s fucking
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Your problem is your motivation comes from the outside, and you have labelled outsiders as the ideal source for your motivation. If you want to be crazily motivated to do anything, a hundred per cent of the reasons to do that thing will have to come from the inside. Words like ‘others’ and ‘them’ will have to be replaced by ‘myself’. It should not be I wanna show them, but I wanna show myself; not I want to be great so they will be impressed, but I want to be great so I can be satisfied with myself. You have to keep this word in mind: myself. That’s who you are; that’s the one who gets
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When you find out all these things, you realise you need to bottle them the fuck up. You need to control this shit. Therefore, you create self-control. Sounds awesome, right? It is. Self-control creates rules, establishes some morality according to which your actions and choices are going to be regulated from now on. This means you are becoming your own person, as you are taking control of yourself. You have rules now. You have moral grounds which you don’t breach.
Why does it happen? The answer is because of that really dumb thing called ego. Your ego cares too much about how people see you, what people think of you, and how to control those two. Well, the honest truth is—you can’t, you can’t control how people see you and what they think of you. You can watch a thousand videos on how to make people like you, even then you will find some who won’t for no specific reasons. And their talking smack behind your back will bother you a lot. The same goes for rejections. People will reject you, and your brain will go: How dare you reject the awesome creation
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People are gonna do whatever the fuck they want. You get to control what you do and how you think—that’s your only privilege. So, for your own benefit, in order to shut your ego down, you will have to learn to let go. The more you master it, the less you’re going to give a fuck about what people think of you.
You can’t please everyone.
You can’t control anyone.
People come and go. How many of them are you going to keep pleasing? And for how long is this strategy going to last?
Whenever you feel bad or hurt because somebody is acting a little strange, scream that in your mind if you have to: it is your stupid ego getting hurt. You, my friend, are fine. Your reality is exactly how it was. And in reality, it doesn’t fucking matter. You can’t control people, and you shouldn’t have to think about it too. You wanna feel better? Apply the concept of specialness that we talked about in the second chapter. You earn your self-worth. People shouldn’t be giving it to you in the first place. You allowed it, so stop it now. You have to become your own complete person, a complete
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You will never find a person who would love you again; you think you are not worthy; therefore, you are lucky to have them.
You say that you are prepared to end this any second, you don’t give a fuck anymore; but it keeps going on. This is a person holding on to a hope called: ‘they will change’. You are watching the same movie every day, hoping that the ending will change this time. You secretly hope that they will change and reform with your tolerance and dedicated love. What happens is, once in a while, they are nice to you. You translate these actions as indications that they care about you, and tell yourself, this is who they really are. This, of course, is bullshit. When the bad experience returns, you aren’t
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You believe they are who you think they are. This one just takes the cake. So, hear this out: the idea is that you are the only person who truly knows them. Again, you believe you know them like nobody else does. You created this idea because you have had intimate moments with them in which you saw them in their emotional highs and lows. Well, this of course is an assumption—that you are the only person who has seen them in these emotional states. But you want to believe that, because you get a sense of personal connection with them, as if you were their family. And they probably say this shit
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you in their lives. You are their protector, caregiver, mother, and they are supposedly orphans or damsels in distress. They need you because you’re the only one who knows what’s good for them. Therefore, they are harming themselves by pushing you away. This is taking the last idea and climbing the mountain of crazy. This is farthest from the truth and your bullshit justification. Here’s what you need to hear: If they left you, then they didn’t need you in the first place. If they didn’t leave you, but didn’t do much to keep you either, then they were in the relationship for selfish reasons
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not w...
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They only have me. He/she is a broken person, and I am fixing them.
Is your life completely fixed? Are they in their twenties or above? Can they read? Do they have internet? If yes, then they can fix themselves if they want to. Nobody can fix someone who doesn’t want to fix himself/herself. Why don’t you fix your own fucking life? There
do. If you want to know who somebody is, focus on what they do every day, what actually fascinates them, and how they behave around
people.
go. The sooner you gather the strength to accept the truth, the better it will be for your future. Stop with this selfish charity. If you have so much time and energy, put it in your life and find a ...
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For example, we live in a time where the majority of news media organisations tell us what to think, what to feel and what to say. They don’t leave any space for a person to make up their own mind about it. This is teaching humans ‘what to think’.
it. We live in a world that largely celebrates knowledge, not intelligence.
look at all narratives as sources that have nothing to do with you. You can learn from them, agree with their analysis if it matches yours, entertain yourself with their theatrics, but never assume that they speak for you. You alone speak for yourself.
