The Rudest Book Ever

by Shwetabh Gangwar

4. I can’t say ‘no’ to people. Because of this, people often impose themselves on my wants and feelings and take advantage of my niceness. You can’t say ‘no’ because you can’t afford to make people unhappy. If they are unhappy with you, you are unhappy, and you want to be happy. You may tell others: I became unhappy because I didn’t get to do what I wanted, but the real story doesn’t stop there. What you don’t tell them is that the unhappiness vanishes the moment you see others being happy with you, despite the fact that you still didn’t get to do what you wanted. People being happy with you gives you so much pleasure that it feels like a much bigger reward than what you would feel if you stood up for yourself and said ‘no’. In short, because happiness is your priority, self-respect is ignored. And that is why, even though you complain to people about how unhappy it makes you, you keep repeating it, especially with people you desperately want to make happy. And you may do that at the cost of working overtime, sleeping less than planned, disrupting your own plans entirely, all because it gives you a great burst of pleasure for having ‘helped them’.