How Not To Be a Boy

by Robert Webb

I welcome the sight of the ball arching towards me in the same way that a quadriplegic nudist covered in jam welcomes the sight of a hornet.

‘The thing about football – the important thing about football – is that it is not just about football.’ Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals

Privilege is just a posh word for luck. Maybe you remember Martin. Obviously, I do. As we saw, it’s more than likely that, for me to be born in the first place, someone else had to die. So I think I know a thing or two about luck. I could dedicate this book to Martin but that would be the point at which a quiet gratitude turns into posturing sentimentality. There were nights in my late teens, wandering home from the pub when I lived with Dad, when I would look up at the stupefying beauty of a cloudless Lincolnshire night sky and thank the stars . . . thank my luckiest star – Martin.