How Not To Be a Boy

by Robert Webb

He tells me that, in the last place, the neighbours started using his bins for their overflowing rubbish. I ask him, ‘What did you say?’ ‘Oh God, I didn’t say anything,’ he replies. ‘No, we decided it would be easier to move house.’ This makes me laugh for about three minutes. I know he’s joking, but mainly I’m enjoying the idea that I’m not the only grown man who will go to incredible lengths to avoid an awkward conversation. Especially with a rule-breaker.

Drifter move

People who do a lot of walking away from Human Interaction are called ‘unsociable’ or sometimes ‘writers’.

Preach!

Any year now, I might have to say something. Actually no, easier just to move house.

Drifter!

I realise it’s not my reputation that’s at stake here, it’s his. He won’t have it whispered darkly that his son is a layabout or, indeed, that he’s the sort of man who could possibly tolerate living with one. So . . . what I now do reflects directly on him. A feeling of unease begins to take hold.

Narcissistic Parent