True Crime

by Samantha Kolesnik

Any time I tried to talk to God, it just sounded like my own thoughts. Perhaps the part of my brain meant for talking with God was broken or deformed.

Every girl in the world was taught not to trust her gut. Every girl in the world knew she was the fool in the play.

I wondered how the world made its villains and why it never apologized for making them.

There was no evil in the world that was not man’s work. And there was no man in the world that was not woman’s work.

There were people who hurt others thinking others would hurt them. And then there were people who hurt others knowing others wouldn’t hurt them back. The world was all comprised of people just causing hurt.

“To come in as a murderer and to murder is one thing. To come in as a friend, but to be a foe is another. Deceit is really the true crime of humanity.”

Like all good monsters, I came not by force, but by invitation.

He’d never ride another train, I thought, and suddenly I found him pathetic in his old house, surrounded by his life’s possessions. He was alone and picking at painted cardboard jigsaw pieces.

“That even though it feels like God to kill another human being, you are the opposite of God. Every foul word you speak about another person, every item you soil, every person you harm. That is not the work of a God, but of a maggot.”

“And this world has lots of maggots. They multiply and feed on the vulnerable as though it were their natural right.

“The men who did it laughed at trial. They whistled. They looked at me and smiled. So easy was it to destroy . . . so easy was it. They took what my wife and I had built over sixteen years, sacrificing and toiling every day from love, and inside of an hour, reduced it to ash. And you can read about them. You can be like them.”

“But for every one of your brother’s kind and for every one of your kind if you wish it, there are Builders, and there are Creators. In the end, they will see Him. They will see the Kingdom of Heaven and you will be alone floating in the darkness. You will see a light on the horizon and no matter how long you float in your filth, you will never reach it. That will be your punishment—to see a Paradise you cannot ruin.”

I knew caring never changed a bad man’s mind. Just excited it, was all. I wouldn’t give him any satisfaction.