True Crime

by Samantha Kolesnik

I tried to talk to God, it just sounded like my own thoughts. Perhaps the part of my brain meant for talking with God was broken or deformed.

It struck me then how much distance we put between ourselves and animals. Perhaps this was from design, to ensure the very thin line which kept us polite would seem thick and impenetrable. We were all murderers, after all. Some of us just hadn’t discovered it yet.

All men did was rape, kill, eat, and fuck, as far as I could see, and it’s not like the fields knew any different. The world was just an echo chamber for man’s sin.

Every girl in the world was taught not to trust her gut. Every girl in the world knew she was the fool in the play.

I wondered how the world made its villains and why it never apologized for making them.

There was no evil in the world that was not man’s work.

Even weak people sometimes had charming tongues and even the strong sometimes had listening ears.

There were people who hurt others thinking others would hurt them. And then there were people who hurt others knowing others wouldn’t hurt them back. The world was all comprised of people just causing hurt.

“To come in as a murderer and to murder is one thing. To come in as a friend, but to be a foe is another. Deceit is really the true crime of humanity.”

Like all good monsters, I came not by force, but by invitation.

“But for every one of your brother’s kind and for every one of your kind if you wish it, there are Builders, and there are Creators. In the end, they will see Him. They will see the Kingdom of Heaven and you will be alone floating in the darkness. You will see a light on the horizon and no matter how long you float in your filth, you will never reach it. That will be your punishment—to see a Paradise you cannot ruin.”

I felt stupid then because even though I had seen death so closely, I always felt like Lim would live forever. I always felt like, one day, I’d have the chance to ask him if he loved me.

“It’s not hard to do right and it’s not hard to do wrong. They’re different sides of the same basketball court.