She reports that she did not understand where the wildness came from at night, nor where it went by day. She reports being terrified of it, yet at times wishing for it to take over, and describes powerful, yearning imaginings of being admitted to hospital and drugged, or of having suffered a complete and debilitating breakdown and being surrounded by loved ones. In this scene she reports that she cannot see herself at all, so surrounded she is by those carers, and nor does she have any autonomy, needs or wishes, so subsumed is her being, she says, by the overwhelming force of their care.
