She claims that she awaited a breakdown and that this breakdown would be welcome. She believed that if the issue, which eluded her, could come to a head, she might then be left broken, but broken free of it. At the same time she very much doubted she would have a breakdown, surmising that there wasn’t anything decisive enough in her character to bring one about, and that she was more the kind of person who would endure pain and suffering indefinitely while just about managing to cope.
