The truth is I know I could never be of any interest to her and, I suspect, anyone in whom I might be interested. I am an ant. Even with an atomizer genie on my team, I am not able to fantasize myself younger or better looking or smarter or richer. Yet somehow I can fantasize myself easily into an even more impossible scenario, a body-hopping nightmare. I guess the truth is I crave humiliation. What is ironic or at least curious is that in my actual life, humiliation is the thing I most fear and I most experience. Yet I am not happy. Why?
