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“You really do own your illiteracy, don’t you?” “Yeah, I’m thinking about moving to America and running for public office.”
“You should dump me.” “I tried that already. It didn’t take.”
“Lord Ainsworth usually has a glass in each hand the moment he walks through the door. That’s why they call him Double Fisting Ainsworth. At least, I think it is. Could be something to do with the prostitutes.”
Grabbing a bagel. Case is complicated. Can’t discuss it. Apologies for lack of dick pic.
“I Wanted to Be Respectful of That is totally the title of your sex tape.” “Well,” he murmured, “I can imagine worse titles.” “Can you? Can you really? Because I very much cannot.” “St. Winifred’s School Choir Presents There’s No One Quite Like Grandma?”
“Just a quick word of advice: if you’re at a straight-people party, you should try to avoid referring to it as a straight-people party.” I tsked. “God, it’s political correctness gone mad.”
“I can’t believe you’re trying to pimp me out to a complete stranger because you like his jumper. He could be a serial killer.” “I’m…I’m not,” said Oliver quickly. “Just for the record.” She glared at me. “It is the principle. Even if he is a serial killer, he should still want to go out with you.” “To reiterate,” said Oliver. “I’m not a serial killer.”
“Hey, nice dog, wanna fuck?” And he’d be like “Sure, because your mother’s never said the word ‘penis’ in front of me”
“I feel compelled to point out,” said Sophie finally, “that you’ve just refused to take money from me now because I’m drunk. But you’ve invited me to a party where you presumably try to get a lot of people drunk and then ask them for money.” “Yeah, it’s not unethical if you print invitations.”
