Boyfriend Material (London Calling, #1)

by Alexis Hall

I found myself surreptitiously checking my phone. Turned out while I’d been dragging bags of rubbish between flat and truck and truck and dump, I’d missed a text from Oliver. He’d sent me a picture of Richard Chamberlain. Nice Dick, I sent back. “Oh my God, Luc,” cried James Royce-Royce. “What’s happened to your mouth?” I glanced up, startled. “If there’s hummus on my face, just tell me.” “It’s far worse than that. You were smiling.” “W-was I?” “At your phone.” From the uncomfortable hot feeling and the way everyone was looking at me, I was pretty sure I was blushing. “I saw something funny on the internet.” “Wow.” Priya put on her extra specially sardonic face she only used when I was being a total numpty. “A+ lying. Really good detail. Really sells it.” “It was a cat. Being scared of…something.” “It’s cucumbers. It’s always cumbers. And that was not a cat-meme smile. That was an ‘I’ve got a sweet message from someone I like’ smile.” I threw my hands up. “Fine. Oliver sent me a dick pic, okay?” There was a long silence. “Well.” James Royce-Royce drew in a long breath. “I enjoy a good penis as much as the next man, but I don’t normally go misty-eyed over them.” Somewhat shamefacedly, I turned my phone around and showed them the young Richard Chamberlain in a brown velvet coat, holding a glass slipper. “It’s…sort of…a joke we have.” Suddenly, with the exception of Theresa—who was looking very slightly confused—everyone had their phones out. And my own lit up with notificati...