The Blueprint (Rules of Possession #1)

by S.E. Harmon

“So where’s Robert?” Probably at a witch doctor’s house asking him to construct a skinny, black-haired, gray-eyed voodoo doll named Kelly. “Gone,” I said shortly. “I told him no. Well, to be perfectly accurate, I said yes, and then I said no.” “Fuck, Kel.” Even over the noise in the background, I could hear the exasperation. “I thought you liked Robert.” “I did. Just not enough to marry him.” “Wow.” He seemed nonplussed for a moment. “I don’t know what to say to that.” “It is what it is.”

“I’m just so sorry,” she said. “Thank you, but it’s really alright.” “You’re just such a nice person. And so handsome.” She looked me up and down as though she just couldn’t understand. “Are you sure you’re gay? I have a couple girlfriends who would just love to go out with you.” Survey says, ding, I like dick.

My eyeballs itched like fire, and I had to blink. I dropped my gaze with a sigh. Clearly I was a rank amateur in the stare-down game. “Please don’t make me,” I said to the floorboards. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready,” she surmised. “Why?” Suddenly irritated because I knew she was right, I plopped a hand on my hip. “Because I’m going to be sleeping in your house on your furniture?” “No,” she said pleasantly. “I wouldn’t dream of kicking you out of your childhood home. However, your body coming out of my body? That gives me the right to ask whatever I want.” I winced. “Mental imagery, Ma.” “What? I didn’t say vagina.” “You just did.” “Only because you asked me to.” “I did no such….” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t you have any hobbies other than driving me nutso?” “Baking, mostly. I’ve been trying to learn guitar, but my nails are too long and my boobs are too big.” “Good to know,” I said as I slung my duffel on the bed. “You’re getting a guitar amp and a sports bra for your birthday.” “Now you’ve gone and ruined the surprise.” She leaned over and kissed me on the forehead.

I sighed. So they knew I was gay, and they all hated Robert and clearly wouldn’t mind if he were exiled to Siberia. “Well. This was fairly anticlimactic.” My mother blinked at me. “That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” “I need a story, Ma. This is not a good coming-out story.” I raised an eyebrow. “They’re going to take my gay card for this. I hope you’re happy.” She capped her lotion and put it back on her nightstand. She probably didn’t even have fingerprints left. “Would you like to go downstairs and have some hot chocolate? You can come out to me again. I can probably squeeze out a few tears, if it would help.” “It would.” I thought about it for a moment and then nodded regally. “Extra marshmallows, please.”

I was still trying to justify following him up to his parents’, and I was coming up empty. I had things to do. Places to be. Practice. A charity engagement on Monday. A meeting with my agent. There was no room on the list of eight thousand things for nonsense. But apparently a week’s worth of Kelly ignoring my calls was enough to send me into full-blown stalker mode. Hell, things weren’t right in my world if I didn’t see Kelly for too long. So the fuck what. Everyone had a crutch. My crutch just happened to be of the dark-haired, gray-eyed, mouthy, and annoying variety.

He grabbed my hand again and pulled me back until I sat down. “There some reason you’re in such a hurry to leave my bed?” “Is there some reason you’re trying to keep me here?” I grinned at him. “You coming over to the dark side, Blue?” He didn’t laugh like I thought he would, so I nudged him playfully. “I was kidding.” “Maybe I’m not.” I stared at the back of his neck and tried to process those words. Eventually I decided I was having an aneurysm. That’s what it was. That’s why I was suddenly hearing things that couldn’t be really happening. I cleared my throat. “You wanna run that by me one more time? Slowly?” “I think I need to know.” “Need to know what?” He rolled over to look at me, his eyes large and liquid and blue. Relaxed. He stared at me so long that I started to get nervous. And then he smiled as a flush spread across my cheeks. “Kiss me, Kelly.”

Parts of him began to tense under my hands a little at a time until his body felt like one taut muscle. I had a scant moment to process what was happening, and I pulled back. I was willing to try to swallow one of these days, but not when I felt like I’d been smuggling an anaconda in my mouth. It was a little too late to avoid a facial as he spurted over my lips and cheeks as though we were in a goddamned porno. He gasped and groaned and shook, and just when I thought it was over, another splatter of come striped across the bridge of my nose. “Fuck,” he managed weakly. “Fuck me sideways.” We stared at one another, both equally shocked, I think. His face turned a little pink, and I realized he was holding back laughter. I reached up to run a hand through my hair and felt damp stickiness. My hair. He’d gotten come in my fucking hair. A snort escaped him, and he slapped a hand over his mouth. I narrowed my eyes. That sent him off into full-blown laughter—belly laughter. “Oh my God. You should see your face.” I growled. “I can’t believe you. I said it was my first time.” “Sorry about that,” he managed. I pushed him so he rolled over and fell off the side of the bed, still laughing through his plaintive “ouch.” “Asshat.”

“You know, I had this girlfriend back in college who used pungent flavors and foods almost like a signal. If we were eating dinner out, she’d order everything without garlic and onions. I knew right then I had to do the same or I wouldn’t be getting any.” He laughed at the memory. “I remember eating a lot of bland food for a while.” I scowled and dumped extra garlic powder in the sauce. Clearly when it came to us, it could be garlic and onion city. Maybe I should just wear a rope of garlic around my neck. The added benefit would be no vampires, and I could use it to hang myself when the loneliness became unbearable.

Obviously two drunken sex sessions did not make a relationship. If I created a club for people hopelessly in love with the clueless, that would be our slogan. And if someone came to a meeting and talked about true love and soul mates and all that crap, I’d splash him in the face with a bucket of ice-cold water and school him on the facts of life.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t hang out with one another.” “Yes, it does. You don’t understand what I’m saying. It’s not working anymore. I can’t just turn it off and on like that. Being with you like this has become… difficult.” “What I don’t understand is what you’re going on and on about. We’re basically in a relationship as it is. All that’s missing is the… the umm… you know.” “The ‘umm, you know’ is kind of important, Blue.” “Then let’s. We’ve done it before, we can do it again.” He sounded angry then. “Since it’s important enough for you to toss me aside like garbage if you don’t get your rocks off.”

He wasn’t hard. Not even a little bit. Apparently, unless he was fucking tanked on tequila or blue curacao, he wasn’t into me. The knowledge was like pouring cold water over my head. It was like when you drank ice water on an empty stomach, and it was almost painful as the cold rushed through your body—as though someone pumped my veins full of antifreeze. That was the real Blue and how he felt about getting physical with me. And unless I wanted to turn him into a raging alcoholic and pump him full of liquor every time I wanted my dick sucked, it wasn’t going to work.

“You should’ve told me.” Her frown looked permanently etched on her forehead. “No one treats my brother like that.” “You’re right,” I said. “But people only treat you how you allow them to. One of my favorite quotes growing up was from Eleanor Roosevelt. Remember? I had it on my door. Mom had it made into a poster. I guess now I know why. She understood what I was up against before I ever did.” “You kept that thing up there until the decal peeled and the letters went white.” Kennedy shook her head and recited, “‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’” “That’s exactly it. Being gay is not inferior or something to be ashamed of, and I won’t go back to feeling like it is. Not for Blue or anyone else.”

“I guess I need to figure out how much of me is mad at Blue and how much of me is mad at the fact that we couldn’t make things work. Physically,” I finished lamely and blushed a little. Talking about it with Kennedy was not on my list of fun things to do. “Did you ask him why? Maybe he was nervous. Maybe he was scared shitless about what that kiss meant. Kind of hard to get an erection,” she said with raised eyebrows. “Maybe I’m a little scared too,” I finally said. “Too scared to take that risk.” She nodded. “Then you don’t deserve him.”

In college, my wondering was academic. After seeing you guys…. You know, it was a little more primitive. And then the stuff that we did together.” He swallowed. “It was like nothing I’d ever felt. It was just as amazing as I theorized it would be.” “Yeah.” My voice was a little husky. “It was.” We took a moment of silence to appreciate… well, sex in general. Lord, I’d like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to find that kind of crazy chemistry with someone. And a special shout-out for blow jobs. In the name of Jesus, we pray. Let the church say Amen.

“I don’t know,” he snapped. “All I know is suddenly I’m watching your ass when you walk away. I already liked your insides, and now your outsides make me want to tear off your clothes.” He looked frustrated enough to pull out his own hair. “It’s so strange because it’s not just Kelly, my best friend. It’s Kelly, this guy I’d really like to fuck. And he’s smart and funny and a little crazy and so fucking beautiful that it hurts to look at him sometimes. What am I supposed to do with that?” I swallowed. “I have an idea.” “No. I just… I just can’t—” “Blue—” “I’m not willing to change my life that way,” he cut in. “I have a plan, Kel, and this is nowhere in that plan. Eventually I want to get married. Have kids. You know how important family is to me.” “Being with me wouldn’t make that an impossibility.” I smiled a little. “I don’t know if you heard, but the heteros stopped hogging all the misery of marriage to themselves.” He didn’t laugh like I hoped. He just stared at me and gnawed at his lower lip. His eyes were dark and intense. When he finally spoke, his voice was so quiet I could barely hear him. “I’m in the NFL. You know how people are. That would be making a statement that I’ll never be willing to make.” The stupid hope that had fluttered in my chest finally stopped. It almost felt as though my actual heart stopped. I did a quick mental inventory to make sure it was still going and felt the reassuring thud. So yeah, just stupid hope had kicked the bucket. Good.

“Are you going to the club?” “Of course not. What gave you that idea?” He raised an eyebrow and looked down at his outfit—all the way to his sexy bare feet. “I just thought I’d take my pants out on a walk.” I glared. Smart mouth. Smart fucking sexy mouth. Christ. I wanted to fuck him so bad, wanted it more than anything I’d wanted in my life. He’d treated me to a trial, and I wanted the full version—without ads. Charge my credit card.

My chest still felt tight when I heard his bedroom door quietly close. Seemed so final. I buried my face in the couch cushion and listened to the tick of the retro wall clock. Part of me thinks I could fall in love with you. The clock ticked some more. The other part of me knows I already have.

“I’m sorry,” I burst out. “But I know what you’re going to say, and I just didn’t want to hear it.” He huffed an impatient breath. “You have no idea what I’m going to say until I say it.” I threw up my hands. “Fine. Go ahead, Blue. Fucking say it.” When I looked at his face, I realized he was partially wrong—I may not have always known what he was going to say, but I knew what he wanted to do. From the look on his face, he was torn between strangling me and laughing. I quickly sent up a silent prayer that the laughter won out. When he finally spoke, his voice was calm. Clearly he had shelved his murdering urges. “I want you to be mine. And I want to be yours.”

At my stunned silence, he said, “I love you, Kelly.” He nailed me with his intense gaze, his eyes unwavering and brilliantly blue. “I guess the only thing left to ask is ‘Do you still love me?’” “Blue—” “Do you love me?” I sighed. “You idiot. I’ve loved you since you were twelve years old, Blue. It’s only gotten worse since then.” “Better,” he corrected. “Semantics.” My brow scrunched in confusion as I wondered why it sounded like I was getting everything I ever wanted on a silver platter, like Blue was committing himself to me and saying he wanted to be in a relationship. My boyfriend. Mine. Mine. No more Carlys or Hannahs or Karens or Ashleys, just us together. Me and my Blue. Whatever he saw on my face made him smile, and it was ridiculously infectious. A delighted little laugh burbled out of my mouth. “So we’re together, then.” “Yup.” “And you love me.” “That I do.”

“I hate to talk about unpleasant things, especially when those things might make you dump me before we’ve even really started, but I need to do a full disclosure here.” I shot out of my chair. That was the shortest fairytale ever. “I fucking knew it.” “Kelly,” he said exasperatedly, and I sat down again. “As I was going to say, I haven’t exactly told anyone. Ivanovich knows and probably McAdams, but that’s it. We’re going to have to meet with my coach and the GM and do this right.” I looked at him blankly. “Do what right?” “Well, let’s see. I’m in the NFL, and I’m in a relationship with a man,” he said carefully, as though I were a little slow. “It kind of pisses me off that, in this day and age, something like that would still be a big deal, but it is. We need to get in front of the story and make sure the first narrative the public hears is ours.”

“So, are you going to try and kiss me or something?” His hand had been resting lightly on the back of my neck, lazily disturbing the hairs there with his thumb. He suddenly tightened that hand and pulled me in even closer. “Do or do not. There is no try.” He dipped his head down, and his soft lips landed on mine. The kiss was warm and gentle and indescribably tender. I blinked blissfully as he pulled away, and my eyes felt slow and heavy. “Did you just quote Yoda before kissing me?” He shrugged. His hand was still warm on my neck. “He’s a wise dude.” “I’m pretty sure he’s not a dude.” “Then what is he?” “I dunno.” I furrowed my brow. “Maybe we should discuss that after you kiss me again.” He laughed and kissed me again. When he pulled back, I sighed with pleasure. “He’s a mystery species.”

His sleepy voice interrupted my mental list. “Kels?” “Yeah?” “I was made for you too. He just made me a little early.” He yawned. “Good night, baby.” I smiled in the dark. Someone had just upgraded himself to a Sleep Number mattress. “Good night, Blue.”