Felix Ever After

by Kacen Callender

It’s ironic, I guess. I wanted to date her so that I could prove I’m worthy of love. Instead, she managed to solidify this slowly growing theory that I’m not.

“Astrology is real,” Tyler insists. “Listen. The moon controls the tides, right? The human body is mostly water. It’d make sense if the moon controls us, too.” “Tyler,” Hazel says, “no one knows what the fuck you’re talking about.”

Ezra gives a Chrissy Teigen grimace-smile.

I thought I was bisexual,” Leah tells us, “but I think it was only because it was like I had to be. It was almost like a habit, until finally one day, I was like—wait, why do I say I’m attracted to guys when literally the last guy I thought was cute was Simba?” There’s silence. Marisol blinks at Leah. “You know that Simba was a lion, right?” Austin adds, “And a cartoon.” “Simba was fucking hot, okay?”

“I thought Kovu was pretty hot,” Ezra tells us, leaning against the wall. “I was all about Lilo’s sister,” Marisol says. “Those curves. Seriously.” “Zuko, too,” Ezra adds.

Zuko!!!!

“The straights say that we’ve got an agenda to turn people gay,” Marisol says, “but then will try to force toddlers on each other and say it’s so cute and they’re destined to get married. Seriously.”

Why’re you pretending to be a boy? Who are you? Why’re you trolling me? I’m not pretending to be a boy. Just because you haven’t evolved to realize gender identity doesn’t equal biology, doesn’t mean you get to say who I am and who I’m not. You don’t have that power. Only I have the power to say who I am. And the new message: I’m not trolling you. I’m just telling you the truth. You were born a girl. You’ll always be a girl.

Seems more likely this is Marisol than Declan

Leah’s always been nice to me, the kind of person who seems to be constantly smiling and eternally optimistic, which doesn’t sit well with my dark, Slytherin soul.

Had to immediately check when this was published for a book about a trans kid to have a HP reference

Declan pulls away, gesturing for a quick introduction—it’s obvious he just wants to get out of the rain and into the car—but the man, his grandfather, looks up at me with a smile, then tilts his head. “Ah!” he says. “You!” I blink. Declan blinks. “You,” Declan’s grandpa says again, with even more emphasis. “You’re the lad I met on the train. You remember, yeah? You were with your friend, and I told you about my grandson. This,” he says, turning his hands to Declan, “is my grandson.” My eyes widen with realization. I’d been with Ezra at the time. I was pissed that this man wouldn’t stop staring, but then out of nowhere he told us about his grandson who’d come out to him and his wife. . . . Declan’s grandfather seems to remember that I’d been with another boy then, too, but he doesn’t say anything about it—only gives me a sly grin. “You see?” he says. “I told you, you’d like my grandson.”

Okay this is wonderful

“My dad is hardcore Catholic. I used to hope that he’d decide to change his mind—that he could accept me, because I was his son. And then I’d laugh at myself. Like, how fucking arrogant is that? Expecting my dad to love me more than he loves God.”

“And it’s annoying, too,” he says, “seeing you—I don’t know, pushing it in our face that you’re transgender. Not everyone can be as open. Not everyone gets to be out. I don’t get to be out. My parents wouldn’t accept me. But you’re just flaunting it every chance that you get.” “I’m not flaunting anything. I’m just existing. This is me. I can’t hide myself. I can’t disappear. And even if I could, I don’t fucking want to. I have the same right to be here. I have the same right to exist.”

The real issue is that you’re used to having everything. You’re used to being a white guy in Brooklyn, used to always getting your way—no, fuck, I don’t care that you’re fucking gay, because people like Felix are queer and trans and Black, and they have to deal with so much more bullshit than you or me. And, okay, yes, you are marginalized for being gay, but instead of being a fucking ally to other marginalized people, people even more marginalized than you, you buy into the racist and patriarchal bullshit and act like you’re above them because you’re a white guy, and you act like they’re taking your space, and you think that you’re owed this whole fucking world, and when you don’t get what you want, you act like a fucking asshole, and God fucking damnit, Austin!”