The Lightning-Struck Heart (Tales From Verania, #1)

by T.J. Klune

Judging by the looks of sheer horror on the others’ faces, it was one of those things that sounded better in my head rather than out loud. Most things often did.

He looked incredulous. “That was your idea?” “Yes. It might have gone better in my head.” “I have a feeling that sums up your life perfectly.”

“Hush, my good man,” I told him. “I’m strolling in. Triumphantly.”

“You know how I feel about villains monologuing. Seriously, just do what you’re going to do and stop telling people about it.”

Morgan rubbed his head like he was getting a headache. Which, to be fair, he often did around me. So I was completely unsure if he actually was getting a headache or if it was more of a Sam, You Suck kind of thing. “My life,” he muttered. “This is my life. I chose this to be my life. By choice.”

“So many curses,” I mumbled.

Of course, since I was looking my absolute worst and talking to myself like a crazy person, I ran into the one person I didn’t want to run into. Ever. Well, that’s a lie. I totally wanted to run into him while I looked absolutely amazing and he’d say something like “Hey, Sam, I have this extraordinary fascination with your equipment. Let’s go somewhere and I’ll show you what it feels like to have your balls worshipped.” But there was no sexy running-into. There was a flail of limbs and a questionably manly squawk as my face collided with a chest undoubtedly built from pieces of my dreams, and a surprised grunt that fell from lips that angels themselves must have had a hand in creating.

The dreamiest dream to have ever been dreamed.

“You are way too pretty to exist in this world with us mere mortals.”

I winked at myself in the mirror and then realized that’s what douchebags did, so I vowed to never do it again.

“I can’t really dance. I told you this. Remember the awkwardness? It’s awkward.” I shrugged. “Dance with me awkwardly, then.”

I looked up at the stars and wished for impossible things.

“I am a sex god,” I said in awe. “Well. Kind of. Okay. Not really. And self-esteem is quickly deflating. Feeling sad now.”

Everything would be fine. EVERYTHING WAS NOT FINE. Well, it started off fine. But then it escalated very, very quickly.

“Oh shit,” I said. “I’m so sorry. I’m not usually this awkward.” Well, that was a lie. This was about par for the course.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m going to have to take a rain check. I just remembered that I made plans with someone to not be here and be wherever they are.”

The dragon roared behind us. And if that wasn’t a sound to make you shit yourself, I didn’t know what was.

“He was being an asshole,” I said. “He deserved it. What a dick knocker. Fucking candy-ass bitch whore.” “The angrier you are, the less your insults make sense,” Gary observed. “It’s adorable.” I glared at him. “Go eat a moderately small child and choke on his bones.” “See? That didn’t even make sense. Why would I eat a child? They’re sticky.”

Hey, Tiggy?” “Gary,” Tiggy said. “If Sam were a tree, you know what kind of tree he’d be?” “What kind?” “A pine. Because of all the pining.” “Unicorns should never tell jokes,” I told them. They didn’t hear me because Tiggy was laughing too loud.

“I think Sam and Ryan stare at each other when the other’s not looking. There’s always this indefinable something there. It’s almost like lightning crackling between them.”

But I knew him. I’d been watching him (like a creep) for a long time.

“This is the Ryan Foxheart Fan Club Castle Lockes Chapter. We are the largest Foxheart Fan Club in all of the City of Lockes. We’re the Foxy Ladies.”

To Mervin: Don’t worry. I’m a Sam Girl too. Our secret? Ryan Foxheart

“You have secrets?” “So many.” “Tell me,” I demanded. “We’re friends. Bros, even. Bros don’t keep secrets from each other.” “What was your meeting about today?” “Bros can totally keep secrets,” I decided. “Wow, that bad? Should I be concerned?” “Possibly. Probably. It’s certainly not healthy.” “Underground cock fighting?” I was horrified. “I would never do that to roosters,” I said. He winked at me. “I wasn’t talking about roosters.”

It showed the true depths of my talent that I was able to multitask in such a way to be running from certain imprisonment while also fantasizing about Ryan saying things like “I’ve always wanted to try and do the splits. On your cock.”

There are moments in your life so profound, so extraordinarily crystal clear that even the remembrance of them is enough to feel like you’re being consumed by fire. Moments that might not mean much to anyone else, but mean the world to you.

It was there, like the stars, his constant.

❤️‍🔥

“Adventure,” I corrected him. “Not a trip. Adventure. Trips imply vacation. Adventure implies awesomeness.

He stared at me. “What? It’s the truth!” “I know,” he said. “I no longer question the things that happen to you. It makes everything easier.” I grinned at him. “That’s the best way to go through life. Believing everything I say and not questioning it at all.

Did you know that magic has a taste? Like lightning. Like burning. I’m sure I could find that tang on your skin.”

I said, “Regrets are hard to live with.” “Especially when they’re from chances lost,” she said. “Do you understand?”

“Life is about chances. Unless you take them, you’ll never know what they could bring.”

“That pretty much sums up how we all feel about Sam,” Gary said. “Fond with strong overtures of horror.”

I am a strong, independent unicorn, and I will not take your shit.”

“I feel like I’m in a waking fever dream,” Ryan said to no one in particular. “Like, these past weeks are the product of extraordinary illness and I’m actually in bed hallucinating all of this.”

“You bother me,” I said to him. “I’m not sure if I’m pleased that you exist.”

“Okay?” he asked. “Fine,” I snapped. “Ugh. Sorry.” “It’s okay. Who do I need to kill?” I tried not to grin. I failed. “No one. Everyone. I don’t know.” “That clears it up. Good job.” “Sass master.” “I thought I was the God of Sass?” he asked. “It sounds like I was demoted.”

“Are you drunk again?” he asked. “Only a little bit,” I assured him. “And now I realize that I’ve been drunk a lot around you, but I promise I don’t have a drinking problem. Mostly. And I’m not drunk enough to go to an orgy. Apparently I want someone’s seed to bloom in me and make flowers turn into treasure. Or something. I don’t know. I might be drunk. Let’s banter.” “I don’t think you have the capacity to do anything but have words fall out of your mouth right now,”

“That… sounded like you insulted me with a compliment.” “I feel like a lot of your life is insults through compliments.”

I thought for a moment, for a singular, shining moment that maybe I could have this. That maybe this could be mine. That maybe, maybe, maybe. I knew it wasn’t meant to be. But I allowed myself to think such thoughts. Because no one else could hear them. They were my own. Like a wish upon stars held in secret hearts.

I had plans. Things were looking up. “What are you so happy about?” Gary asked me suspiciously. “Everything, my good man,” I said. “I have plans.” “I don’t want to know what they are if the manic smile on your face is indicative of anything.”

“How is this your life?” Ryan asked, staring at me. “Why are you looking at me like this is my fault?” I asked. “Because you’re the common denominator in all the crazy,” he said. “I thought that much was obvious.”

“Why don’t you just do some magic?” Ryan asked, and for some reason, his pupils dilated and his voice went slightly hoarse. “You could… uh. You know. Do magic. All over them. Just. Get it out there and do it.”

“How do you do that?” Ryan asked, voice very, very hoarse. “Uh,” I said. “Magically?” Good argument. “Gross,” Gary muttered. “You poking my ear,” Tiggy said to Ryan. “Knight Delicious Face poking my ear.” Ryan flushed even further. “It’s just my sword,” he said stiffly. “So gross,” Gary said.

Is it normal to be in a constant state of what the fuck with these three? I feel like that’s normal.” “Yes,” Morgan said. “Every day. All the time.

There’s no contest. My like for you is legendary.”

“Oh my gods,” Gary moaned. “This is so awkward I can’t even stand it. I physically hurt from how awkward this is. I don’t even care that we’re apparently in mortal danger. I just don’t want to listen to you two flirt anymore.